Is A "Mutual" Breakup Ever Really Mutual?

Dear Portland,

Is a “Mutual” Breakup Ever Really Mutual?

Dear Ever Really Mutual,

I had this conversation back in 2008 with some friends at Chi Cha Lounge in DC. I forget how the subject came up but the conversation went on for hours. After many drinks and what started as a civilized exchange turned into a loud, hilarious debate that ended with the answer (shouted by one of the guys)… Hell No!

I must agree with my crazy friends, breakups are hardly ever mutual. It cracks me up when people say “yes, we broke up, but it’s cool, because it was mutual.” My reply, yeah, right!

Yes, there’s trouble in paradise and yes, some things could change in the partnership or the relationship could’ve been a hot mess from the start but there’s always one person who wants to hang on more than the other. He/she may front and play the strong role, but in the end one of them wishes or hopes the relationship can or could have been worked out but is too chicken to say it.

It’s funny too, because if you’re not close to the couple, or should I say—all in their business— you’ll never really know how it happened. Right?!

Let’s say he broke it off with her. She tells her people that it was “mutual” because she doesn’t want to admit that she got dumped, and he tells his friends it was mutual because he doesn’t want to seem like the bad guy.

My theory—the one who talks about the other the most, remembering the good times and “conveniently” bringing his or her name up with friends and family is usually the one who didn’t want the relationship to end. This is also the one who’s heart stops every time the phone rings, secretly hoping he/she has come to his/her senses and wants to get back together. The other person is hurt and a little sad about the outcome but knows it was for the best. He/she has moved on with life- as well as to be expected -and may see places and things that they shared as a couple, but knows it will be no more…

“Not So Mutual,” Love, Portland