Dear Portland,
Roughly three months ago, I became involved with a married
woman who works in my building. Things started off innocently
enough. I would see her in the hallway or in the cafeteria at
lunch, and we'd exchange "hello's" and "hi's". Then, the
pleasantries turned into brief flirtations. But that's all they
were...flirtations. I knew she was married. I'd often see her husband picking
her up or bringing their kids by the office towards the end of the work day. I
have to admit, when I'd see the guy, I always thought that she was WAY out
of his league.
Anyway, a little over three months ago, I walked into my
office to find a note on my computer screen saying I had a great smile. It was
signed only with a smiley face of its own. I had no idea who left the note
until I ran into the young woman two days later in the cafeteria. The
flirtations instantly turned more intense. Our "hello's" became hugs,
and whispers from her, "That's all I get?". I really didn't make too
much of it because, like I said, I knew she was married, and she's much younger
than me.
Around that same time, I noticed that she was no longer being picked up by her husband, and she was staying later at work. One night, I was working late and got a knock on my office door. When I looked up, it was her. She said she was coming in to say 'goodnight'. I stood up to give her a hug, and the embrace lasted longer than what one would probably consider acceptable. I'm not going to lie...I was really turned on, and I think she noticed because the embrace turned into a kiss. Nothing happened that time. But it did the next evening...yes...at work.
And this became a reoccurring situation. Always after
work...always after everyone else had left for the day.
Yes, we both understood that she was married. But her
husband was in the military on a three month deployment and apparently
they have one of those "understandings".
We started off being very careful. But that didn't last
long, either. We got comfortable and we got sloppy.
I say sloppy because she told me last week that she is
pregnant.
Now, she has three kids and I don't have any. Because of her
relationship status, I figured she wanted to get an abortion, which would have
been heart breaking to me, anyway.
Instead, she told me she didn't believe in abortion and that
she was going to keep the baby, and pass it off to her
recently returned husband as his. She said that she didn't want me to have
anything to do with the baby.
Portland, I don't know what to do. On the one hand, I don't have any
other children and I want to be in my child's life. On the other hand, I don't
want to disrupt her life, anymore than I already have, or the life of her
children.
Please, help me...
Sincerely,
The Daddy Adulterer
Dear Potential Daddy Adulterer,
This situation is a hot mess...with steam coming out of it. Literally!
First and foremost, slow. down.
In your mad dash to claim an unborn fetus because you're a single man that doesn't have children, I think you need to stop, calm down, collect your thoughts and make sure you are not being played as some potential sperm donor. This whole situation seems terribly fishy to me. I think what you are failing to realize is she was sleeping with her husband all while you were both having escapades on the desk after dark. And more important, if he was just recently deployed then there is a 50/50 chance this is not your child. The world we live in can be pretty twisted and so my radar goes up when you say she and her husband have an understanding? Understanding? Yeah, right! I don't know many men who would give his wife carte blanche to run free while he is deployed- especially not with children in the home. And worse, she is soo willing/immediately volunteered to keep the baby and pass it off as his- that's especially why I think you may not be the father.
Have you ever thought that maybe this couple is taking the inexpensive route to having a baby? Perhaps they are having fertility issues and maybe some other weird marriage related problems- then here comes you walking into her life at the right time. I'm sure you are attractive, working together made you easily accessible and how fun would it be as a married women to seduce an older single guy at work all while her husband co-signs. Easy solution reached (you)... all without the headache of the process and having to pay the doctor bills associated with fertility and deal with whatever his potential health issues are. Although a bit unconventional and perhaps far-fetched, that's just my theory...or my hot mess hypothesis- as I like to call it.
So let's say none of the above is the case- and the baby actually is yours. After and only after you have completed a positive results DNA or blood test- then you have every right to be a part of the child's life and provide support. You both will have to work together to make that happen which may include telling her husband. Remember they did have an agreement. Not sure of the terms of that agreement but when you dabble in infidelity- the potential for slip-ups are strong.
If its not your baby? Thank your higher power for sparing you the stress and potential price tag attached to having a child and vow to never sleep with married women again. Besides, who wants to explain to their 16 year old when he or she asks, how you and his/her Mom met?...umm awkward answer is putting it mildly.
Lesson "Hopefully" Learned Love,
Portland
