tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-81258454668646611532024-03-13T15:43:37.078-04:00Ask Portland...My honest answer to your question about dating, relationships and sex.askportlandhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10394960710772351317noreply@blogger.comBlogger34125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8125845466864661153.post-52151325405038037192022-02-04T22:10:00.003-05:002022-02-04T22:31:53.624-05:00Should He Love You More Than You Love Him?<b>Dear Portland,
<br />
<br />
Have you ever heard the saying..."he should love you more than you love him?" And if so, what is your opinion.
<br />
<br />
Signed, Just Asking</b><br />
<br />
Dear Just Asking,<br />
<br />
Yes, I've heard that adage many times. Usually from mature, wise, sometimes married women (mother, grandmother, aunt etc.) and men providing single women advice about men. Some women think it is very true and some completely toss it to the side as something similar to an old wives tale. What it means is... the relationship is much more likely to be a success; meaning dating and marriage that is, if the man has more interest than the woman. <div><br /></div><div>Listen, we've all had a girlfriend who obviously has deeper feelings than her man in the relationship and she makes a fool out of herself by going above an beyond what "we would do" for a man. She buys him gifts, let's him drive her car...just a laundry list of craziness where she's convinced herself that he is the right man and she needs to prove her love for him...yeah, right! We may call her a dummy; coincidentally a man making a fool of himself for a women is called romantic. Is that fair? No, but rarely are affairs of the heart. It's a double standard at best. <br />
<br />
As for the adage itself, I think there is some validity to it. Here's why...
<br />
<br />
From a relationship standpoint most couples aren't romantically interested at the same level especially in the beginning of the relationship. <strike> Usually </strike>Ideally, he likes you and shows that by attempting to "convince" or "win you over" by taking you to dinner, the movies, concerts, wine festivals etc. in an attempt to "convince" you that he is a good man with the hope that you will like him in return and ultimately become his girlfriend. The adage originates from him expressing his interest in a women much more than she does to him (e.g...dates, flowers, time etc.) or courting her.<br /><br />
I have a friend who was not attracted to her now husband when they first met. He's handsome, smart, educated and has turned out to be a good provider and father to thier children. Thing is, she liked that "other" type of guy. The player, gaslighting dude she had to work with. The one where she had to plan all the dates and had to eventually ask "where is this going?" And his response was some dumb random look of confusion. Yeah, that guy! But she woke up- and quick (thank goodness). She realized that her now husband who did all the right things and pursued her like a gentlemen was the one that she ultimately knew was the best choice which made her fall in love with him.<div><br /></div><div>So my opinion, is always keep this adage in the back of your mind when dating and entering into a relationship. Use it as a barometer to determine the level of interest and feelings that a man has for you and how he expresses them.</div><div><br /></div><div>Just Answering Love,</div><div><br /></div><div>Portland<br /><div><br /></div><div><br /></div></div></div>askportlandhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10394960710772351317noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8125845466864661153.post-91471900357336996162020-04-07T21:59:00.000-04:002020-04-07T21:59:45.354-04:00Why Do Women Play Hard To Get?<p dir="ltr">Dear Portland,</p>
<p dir="ltr">If you are feeling a dude that respectfully approaches you, what is the point of playing hard to get??? </p><p dir="ltr">Help, I'm Easy,</p>
<p dir="ltr">Dear I'm Easy,</p><p dir="ltr">Classic question...because we women like being chased and deep down men love to be the chaser no matter what they say!</p><p dir="ltr">Now That Wasn't So Hard After All Love,</p><p dir="ltr">Portland</p>
askportlandhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10394960710772351317noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8125845466864661153.post-68093425359493389762020-04-05T19:04:00.001-04:002020-04-05T19:04:32.540-04:00Find A Man Who Calls You Beautiful- Repost<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">I hope this finds all of you well and safe. I'm re-posting this article while quarantined and revisiting my very neglected blog. I'm my life grew legs. The good news is, I'm back and ready to answer your questions. </div><div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">I still think this article is an excellent thought addition to AskPortland and here's why...</div><div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><br></div><div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">Calling a women beautiful is one of the ultimate of compliments we love to hear especially if it comes from a quality man.</div><div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><br></div><div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">For me, it not only tells me that a man holds me in high regard, it tells me in a very intimate way that he's been thinking about me. I could go on and on...but "Hi Beautiful" as a greeting is simply the best.</div><div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<br>Quarantined Love, Portland<br>
<br>
https://www.torontosnumber1datedoctor.com/blog/find-a-guy-who-calls-you-beautiful/<br>
<br>
<br></div>
askportlandhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10394960710772351317noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8125845466864661153.post-71556344392441234782018-05-27T18:26:00.000-04:002018-05-27T18:28:09.737-04:00Random...Eating Healthy at the Airport<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<div dir="ltr">
Dear Portland,</div>
<div dir="ltr">
<br /></div>
<div dir="ltr">
Based on your posts and advice, I imagine you lead a healthy lifestyle and travel. I travel quite often for my job and for pleasure and have a difficult time with making healthy choices in the airport. Do you have any advice on making healthy choices while in the airport?</div>
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Signed Trying To Stay Healthy Traveler,</div>
<div dir="ltr">
<br /></div>
<div dir="ltr">
Dear Traveler,</div>
<div dir="ltr">
<br /></div>
<div dir="ltr">
You are correct on both I do try to live a healthy lifestyle and travel for work and pleasure pretty equally. Enjoying good food and experiencing other cultures through travel are two very important parts of my life. I occasionally get hungry while en- route to my destination because of long flights and/or delays.</div>
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<br /></div>
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When I first started traveling I would actually wait until I got to the airport to eat a meal. While at home, me rushing to pack and get to my flight on time made food my last priority so I was always forced to grab something at the airport. That was years ago, and now that has all changed. Now I have a no-eating at the airport rule. One exception, is frozen yogurt which seems like I can only get at the airport as there are hardly any locations near my home or work. Otherwise, there is no eating the high calorie and fat laden meals that they serve at the chain restaurants and bars that seem rush cooked and just are not that pleasing. I will grab a bag of nuts from the newsstand if I must have something for a long flight or I have this large tote bag and I purchase snacks from the grocery store the night before. </div>
<div dir="ltr">
<br /></div>
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I'm usually pretty hungry once I arrive at my destination. If its a popular city like New York, LA, or Boston I usually meet friends or family and have done my research and found a place that is either famous, has high customer ratings or a place highlighted on The Food Network. </div>
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<br /></div>
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I bypass airport food as much as possible, even well known high-end chain steak and seafood restaurants because I personally just don't think a ton of effort is put into the food as the same location outside of the airport.</div>
<div dir="ltr">
<br /></div>
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Additionally, I always stay in a hotel with a gym and work out in the morning. That way, my workout is done and I don't have to think about it for the rest of the day. Although it can be challenging, I try to eat low carb once I arrive at my destination. I allow myself one "cheat" meal especially if it's a popular or famous restaurant based on my research or a recommendation from a friend. I'm thankful and lucky that I've known someone in just about every destination I've traveled so I rarely eat alone.</div>
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<br /></div>
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Thanks again for this question as I never thought I'd be writing about my "airport rule" and providing healthier travel <u>tips</u>. </div>
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Your Flight Is Now Boarding Love,</div>
<div dir="ltr">
Portland </div>
</div>
askportlandhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10394960710772351317noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8125845466864661153.post-70364441196098660022018-02-24T19:44:00.000-05:002018-02-24T19:52:20.560-05:00How Do I Ask Him For More of a Commitment?<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<div dir="ltr">
Dear Portland, </div>
<div dir="ltr">
<br /></div>
<div dir="ltr">
I have been seeing Sean on and off for a few months. When we are together we have a great time. We laugh, I can really talk to him and we have a fabulous sexual chemistry. Yet, between dates he drops off the radar. We are both pretty busy , but when I call him, he usually doesn't get back to me for days or weeks then calls and suggests meeting. I want things to be more serious and can't wait forever. What should I do because I want more of a committment. </div>
<div dir="ltr">
<br /></div>
<div dir="ltr">
Dear More Committment Wanted, </div>
<div dir="ltr">
<br /></div>
<div dir="ltr">
Sorry but this is a perfect example of a woman not managing her expectations. Although Sean is fun and you have chemistry, he has not said he cares for you and would like to be more than friends or asked you to be his girlfriend. Until he says any of those things he is a really cool friend that you have fun with but you should continue to see other men. Because he is most likely seeing other women. </div>
<div dir="ltr">
</div>
<div dir="ltr">
Stop calling him too. If I knew someone wasn't going to answer when I call or was going to get back to me weeks later and act like nothing happened--yeah stop calling. You said that you have fabulous sexual chemistry, right? I'm not sure if that means you have had sex with him or really want too... but please dont if you haven't. Not every guy is meant for you no matter how great he seems. And Sean's actions are saying he isnt ready for anything serious with you.</div>
<div dir="ltr">
<br /></div>
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Look at it this way...you just met one of many nice guys out there ...and the next one you meet will be yours. </div>
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<br /></div>
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Keep Dating Love,</div>
<div dir="ltr">
<br /></div>
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<u>Portland</u></div>
</div>
askportlandhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10394960710772351317noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8125845466864661153.post-80317646051521049412018-02-01T19:50:00.000-05:002018-02-01T19:51:05.763-05:00Is it Necessary to Play Games at the Beginning of a Relationship?<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<div>
Dear Portland,</div>
<div>
</div>
<br />
<div>
I'm dating this guy and I really like him. We met at work, but recently his position was moved to our downtown office so I never see him during the day anymore-which actually is a good thing. He asked me for my phone number and we talk pretty frequently and have gone out a few times also. However, lately he is not calling when he says he's going too and I'm getting really frustrated because whenever he calls I'm always available. It's not like I don't have a life, it's just that I consider him a priority in my life so..when he calls I answer. It's just that simple for me. I don't like playing games but I really feel like this guy is beginning to take me for granted. I feel like he's playing games with me. Portland, I need your advice because I really don't want to play any games.</div>
<div>
</div>
<br />
<div>
No Games!<br />
<br />
Dear No Games,<br />
<br />
I feel your pain but to a small degree there is some game playing that goes with just meeting someone but I would say its more about the overall process of introduction and getting to know him in the first few weeks- not playing cat and mouse.<br />
<br />
But with this guy, I think there is a level of him either playing the field vs. playing games mixed with a slight bit of immaturity. What you don't mention and which is kind of important for me to fully answer your question is has he expressed feelings and more importantly asked you to be exclusive? If he has and he is acting in this way, I say cut your losses and stop answering his calls because he is not worth anymore of your time. If he has not asked you to be his girlfriend and is acting shady then he may be seeing other people and you are not the same priority that you have made him. My recommendation either way is the go out and meet other guys and be open to meeting a guy who will make you a priority. Then if Mr.Games comes back around...or not... your life is filled with other options either way.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
The Game of Love...Love,</div>
<div>
Portland </div>
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askportlandhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10394960710772351317noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8125845466864661153.post-11867844893082998992017-10-12T07:00:00.000-04:002017-10-12T11:39:53.001-04:00How Do I Make My Perfume Last All Day?<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<strong>Dear Portland,</strong><br />
<strong>I love perfume! I like the expensive ones and some of my favorites are from Walgreens and CVS. The problem is I can't ever get them to last all day. Even my more potent fragrances fade by the end of the day. Do you have any tips to make them last longer?</strong><br />
<strong></strong><br />
<strong>Fading Fragrance</strong><br />
<br />
Dear Fading Fragrance,<br />
<br />
I adore perfume. I can't leave the house without it.<br />
<br />
<br />
My aunt Barbara spurred my love of fragrances (and Clinque Skincare products) at a very early age- so much that my perfume basket is filled pretty much to capacity. Although I like the pricey stuff, one of my favorites is from good ole' CVS. At one point, I had a problem with getting both inexpensive or pricey to last. I then resorted to purchasing the matching body lotion but I really don't like layering that much product. I do own the body creme to my signature fragrance but not many others.. I own one fragrance that literally last until tomorrow- its a winter favorite called <em>Angel</em> by Thierry Mugler which is worth a try.<br />
<br />
<br />
I have been gravitating towards independent fragrances that are sold in boutiques like <em>Blue Mercury</em> and <em>Anthropologie</em>- my love potions- as I call them- hail from those retail spots. Their prices vary but the fragrances seem to have a higher oil content and last longer.<br />
<br />
<br />
If you'd asked me this question about a year ago, I would have suggested you place petroleum jelly (Vaseline) on your wrists and neck pulse points, then spray the perfume directly on those areas for a more lasting scent. I did that for years. Now that's changed. Scientific studies have shown that putting anything unnatural directly on your skin or hair-over time can cause problems. Google parabens.<br />
<br />
<br />
My advice is to spray perfume on your clothes. Not too close though...spray into the air then walk into the mist. Also spray some on your purse. The on and off your shoulder action releases a nice fragrance into the air. However, please don't spray perfume on white clothing as it may stain yellow or darken the fabric.<br />
<br />
<br />
So I hope this helps- cause us girls must always smell good.<br />
<br />
<br />
Au de Parfum Love,<br />
<br />
<br />
Portland</div>
askportlandhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10394960710772351317noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8125845466864661153.post-63296162909339650652017-08-03T04:30:00.000-04:002017-08-03T16:53:09.111-04:00How Do I Get Rid of Miss Right Now, So I Can Get With Miss Right?<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<strong>Dear Portland,<br /><br />I’m a smart, educated, relatively attractive man who is currently seeing Miss Right Now. <br /><br />She’s cute, likes me a lot and the sex is good—but there is no real connection with us. She's a nice girl but she doesn’t seem to have a mind of her own and she’s so agreeable and somewhat immature. She stays at my house often because, I get lonely, and it’s easier for sex. She’s insecure that I will cheat on her. The problem is she wants a commitment and I’m starting to get nervous that she will start trippin’ or worse—get pregnant, although she says she’s on the pill. <br /><br />To make matters worse, I’ve had a crush on this nice looking, intelligent, single woman at my gym for awhile but have been too nervous to ask her out--because she seems out of my league. But when we talk, I feel like we have so much in common and a connection every time….I really think she could possibly be the one. <br /><br />I know this is my fault for getting myself in this mess but…how do I Get Rid of Right Now so I can get with Miss Right?<br /><br />--Mr. Confused</strong><br />
<br />
Dear Confused,<br />
<br />
You are well on your way to becoming a baby daddy paying child support. In other words a statistic. You haven’t learned from others mistakes? I’d bet my favorite red pumps that you know another man, probably one of your boys, who has become a father before he was ready and with the wrong women just because he got lonely and wanted easy, convenient sex. <br />
<br />
You said she was cute, the sex is good but no real connection, right? Where I come from that's called a…bed buddy, booty call or hook-up because that is what she is, no. more. no. less. But you’ve now taken a historically sexual arrangement between a man and a woman and complicated the-hell-out-of an otherwise simple routine visit. Wow! And you’re taking her word for it that she’s on the pill? That's like players club rule #1 of which I'm sure you are breaking all the valid cardholder rules.<br />
<br />
Never, ever, believe a woman is on the pill, unless you’ve both had a very serious talk and agreed that you don’t want children yet—and you really believe her. Because sorry to say, but some of my female counterparts are quite relentless when it comes to locking down a man and a baby is high on the list of tactics. The loneliness, I understand, as I think we’ve all felt like that at some point or another. But if you’re just sleeping with a woman, yet have no real connection, after awhile, don’t you feel lonely even when she’s around—like there’s something missing…an emptiness?<br />
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
My advice is to let Right Now down easy and give her her walking papers...yesterday. Then join a basketball league, go hang out with your boys, have a singles party at your house or join a co-ed book club…something. <br />
<br />
<br />
As for Miss Right...she is NOT out of your league. You’re just feeling insecure which is why you're probably wasting so much time with that other chick. Dating a woman beneath your standards who is probably trying to get pregnant is not smart. </div>
<div>
<br />
Are you afraid if you connect with Miss Right, that it might actually work out? Believe it or not I think some men and women are afraid to be happy...but that's another post. That she might be the one or the one before the One. And that you might have to put in some work and maybe, just maybe, show a little vulnerability? Probably. Hopefully, all that doesn’t scare you, making it easier to say “she’s out of my league” or “high maintenance” rather than pursuing her. I hope not either. <br />
<br />
<br />
I believe that we are all much the same yet from different backgrounds and varied experiences. Experiences that should be embraced and respected are often viewed as negative or a divider. So many men date beneath your core standards to elevate themselves to feel more comfortable. Yet are unhappy then years later have a long list of regrets! </div>
<div>
<br />
So when you talk to Miss Right at the gym you feel a connection…what else do you need? You’ve both probably discussed liking some of the same things, places and you obviously have the healthy lifestyle in common or you wouldn’t have met at the gym. She’s totally in your league. Stop playing and ask her out. Because when you see her with the next man—you’re gonna be mad while adding her to your TOTGA List (The One That Got Away) and sending me a new question entitled... How Do I Get Miss Right from Mr. Right Now? <br />
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<strong>I Hope I’m Right, Love Portland</strong></div>
</div>
askportlandhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10394960710772351317noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8125845466864661153.post-27995253797030206602017-06-17T22:59:00.000-04:002017-06-17T22:59:38.176-04:00He Saw Me Out With Another Guy!<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<strong>Dear Portland,</strong><br />
<strong>I've been out with guy 1 about four times and I like him. He's very sweet a complete gentleman, handsome, great conversation, funny and always takes me to nice places. I met guy 2 right after college who I also go out with often and he took me to a festival in the park this past weekend. The problem, well not necessarily problem, but challenge, is I saw guy 1 at the festival with all his friends. </strong><br />
<strong>Guy 1 asked me to go to the festival with him after our fourth date last week but guy 2 had already asked me like a month before. When he asked, I told him I was already going and I think he assumed it was my girlfriends. Worse- guy 1 saw me and guy 2 walking down the path to our group...him holding my picnic basket in one hand and holding my hand with the other AND the colors we wore matched, so what looked like planned outfits was actually just a coincidence. Guy 2 likes to hold hands plus it was a little rocky on the path and he didn't want me to fall- so he asked me to hold his hand-and I did. I feel pretty bad because the look on guy 1's face was unforgettable- he was totally hurt. I waved to him and smiled and he kinda did the same- but he was sadly surprised. Thankfully, our group was a pretty good distance from guy 1's group so we never were in eye shot. Today guy 1 texted me and said "hope you had a good time at the festival" and I haven't responded yet. What do I say? I know I'm not wrong- but I feel really bad.</strong><br />
<strong><br /></strong>
This question would have been a whole lot simplier to answer if Guy 1 was a complete jerk!<br />
<br />
<br />
First I'm glad that you have met and are dating nice guys. Second, I'm happy that you are taking it slowly and getting to know each of them before jumping into anything serious. Good for you. Now, with all that said yes you have the right to feel a little bad because your a good person and good people don't generally want to make other people feel badly. So again yes you have the right to feel bad BUT should you feel bad...no. Why? Because neither one of these guys is your boyfriend. <br />
And until and only when one of them, or another man you meet and like, asks you to be his girlfriend then all you have are male-friends. When the girlfriend question is asked and you reply 'yes' -then the two of you have a longer discussion. Then and only then, do you move forward with letting your other male-friends- that you date- know that you now have a boyfriend. He should do the same to the girl-friends in his life also.<br />
Reply back to his text and say you had a great time and you hope he did too. Simple as that. Since you've been on four dates with guy 1, I think it would be a good time for you to initiate an outing with him. Call him and ask him to dinner or get tickets to a show. If he says no, or that he's busy that basically means he's upset about the festival. At that point, give him time to work through his feelings then he will contact you. Once the subject comes up during the conversation just casually remind him that you have friends and you are not seeing anyone exclusively and leave it at that. Either he will step up his game and take you off the market or decide to stay in the friend zone.<br />
<br />
Guy 1 and 2 Love,<br />
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Portland <br />
<br /></div>
</div>
askportlandhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10394960710772351317noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8125845466864661153.post-44758630277486844752017-06-13T21:39:00.000-04:002017-06-13T21:40:08.038-04:00Non-Initiator<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<div>
Dear Portland,<br />
<br />
<br />
My husband always complains that I dont initiate s**. I'm a stay at home mom with two highly energetic small children. I do excersice and pay attention to my grooming and appearance but honestly I never feel like initiating. I used to initiate more before the kids but now I'm tired and I really want my husband to take charge of that area. What should I do?<br />
<br />
<br />
Not in the mood.<br />
<br />
<br />
Dear Get in the Mood,<br />
<br />
<br />
Ok, I'm not a parent but I know if I did have children, I would have a primary and contingency babysitter in my bag of tricks at all times because <strike>your</strike> my adult life and marriage must live on- despite 2 children. I do understand this could happen to the best of us but at a certain point I think you should understand and try your best to comply with hubby's request. But that said, what you and hubby are experiencing is not the end of the world and can result in just plain fun.<br />
<br />
<br />
My advice is to have a light-hearted talk with him, and I really mean light-hearted, because this challenge in your marriage has the potential to become the beginning of a real issue. Suggest taking turns with initiating. Then get creative. The more creative the better- with some agreeable limits of course. Please don't let me see you both on CNN because you were arrested for lood behavior in a public place- I'm going to turn the channel. I would feel obligated to post your bail because you took my advice too far and got busted. Yeah, no. (smile)If you are one of those competitive type couples then trying to top each other is going to the last thing I want is a letter reporting back that you are now fighting over who intitated the last time. Committ to the process. <br />
<br />
<br />
I asked a friend and the immediate answer I received was "she better before he finds someone else who is in the mood." I somewhat disagree with this statement because I don't think all men are just going to give up on their wife and risk the potential loss of his family- but I do think it's important to listen and compromise in your marriage.<br />
<br />
<br />
But I do think since your husband has moved from thinking he wants you to intiate to communicating it verbally then it may be time to listen. </div>
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<br /></div>
<div>
Initiate Love,</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Portland </div>
</div>
askportlandhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10394960710772351317noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8125845466864661153.post-29409136114274721742015-08-17T16:11:00.001-04:002015-08-17T16:11:58.924-04:00I Got A Married Women Pregnant! What Should I Do?<br />
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<span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><strong>Dear Portland,</strong></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><strong><br /></strong></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><strong>Roughly three months ago, I became involved with a married
woman who works in my building. Things started off innocently
enough. I would see her in the hallway or in the cafeteria at
lunch, and we'd exchange "hello's" and "hi's". Then, the
pleasantries turned into brief flirtations. But that's all they
were...flirtations. I knew she was married. I'd often see her husband picking
her up or bringing their kids by the office towards the end of the work day. I
have to admit, when I'd see the guy, I always thought that she was WAY out
of his league.</strong></span></div>
<strong>
</strong><br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><strong>Anyway, a little over three months ago, I walked into my
office to find a note on my computer screen saying I had a great smile. It was
signed only with a smiley face of its own. I had no idea who left the note
until I ran into the young woman two days later in the cafeteria. The
flirtations instantly turned more intense. Our "hello's" became hugs,
and whispers from her, "That's all I get?". I really didn't make too
much of it because, like I said, I knew she was married, and she's much younger
than me.</strong></span></div>
<strong>
</strong><span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><strong></strong></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><strong>Around that same time, I noticed that she was no longer
being picked up by her husband, and she was staying later at work. One night, I
was working late and got a knock on my office door. When I looked up, it was
her. She said she was coming in to say 'goodnight'. I stood up to give her a
hug, and the embrace lasted longer than what one would probably consider
acceptable. I'm not going to lie...I was really turned on, and I think she
noticed because the embrace turned into a kiss. Nothing happened that time. But
it did the next evening...yes...at work. </strong></span><br />
<strong>
</strong><br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><strong>And this became a reoccurring situation. Always after
work...always after everyone else had left for the day.</strong></span></div>
<strong>
</strong><br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><strong>Yes, we both understood that she was married. But her
husband was in the military on a three month deployment and apparently
they have one of those "understandings".</strong></span></div>
<strong>
</strong><br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><strong>We started off being very careful. But that didn't last
long, either. We got comfortable and we got sloppy.</strong></span></div>
<strong>
</strong><br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><strong>I say sloppy because she told me last week that she is
pregnant. </strong></span></div>
<strong>
</strong><br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><strong>Now, she has three kids and I don't have any. Because of her
relationship status, I figured she wanted to get an abortion, which would have
been heart breaking to me, anyway.</strong></span></div>
<strong>
</strong><br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><strong>Instead, she told me she didn't believe in abortion and that
she was going to keep the baby, and pass it off to her
recently returned husband as his. She said that she didn't want me to have
anything to do with the baby.</strong></span></div>
<strong>
</strong><br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><strong>Portland, I don't know what to do. On the one hand, I don't have any
other children and I want to be in my child's life. On the other hand, I don't
want to disrupt her life, anymore than I already have, or the life of her
children.</strong></span></div>
<strong>
</strong><br />
<strong>
</strong><span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><strong>Please, help me...</strong></span><br />
<strong>
</strong><br />
<strong>
</strong><br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><strong>Sincerely,</strong></span></div>
<strong>
</strong><br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><strong>The Daddy Adulterer</strong> </span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Dear Potential Daddy Adulterer, </span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">This situation is a hot mess...with steam coming out of it. Literally!</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">First and foremost, slow. down. </span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">In your mad dash to claim an unborn fetus because you're a single man that doesn't have children, I think you need to stop, calm down, collect your thoughts and make sure you are not being played as some potential sperm donor. This whole situation seems terribly fishy to me. I think what you are failing to realize is she was sleeping with her husband all while you were both having escapades on the desk after dark. And more important, if he was just recently deployed then there is a 50/50 chance this is not your child. The world we live in can be pretty twisted and so my radar goes up when you say she and her husband have an understanding? Understanding? Yeah, right! I don't know many men who would give his wife carte blanche to run free while he is deployed- especially not with children in the home. And worse, she is soo willing/immediately volunteered to keep the baby and pass it off as his- that's especially why I think you may not be the father. </span><br />
<br />
Have you ever thought that maybe this couple is taking the inexpensive route to having a baby? Perhaps they are having fertility issues and maybe some other weird marriage related problems- then here comes you walking into her life at the right time. I'm sure you are attractive, working together made you easily accessible and how fun would it be as a married women to seduce an older single guy at work all while her husband co-signs. Easy solution reached (you)... all without the headache of the process and having to pay the doctor bills associated with fertility and deal with whatever his potential health issues are. Although a bit unconventional and perhaps far-fetched, that's just my theory...or my hot mess hypothesis- as I like to call it. <br />
<br />
So let's say none of the above is the case- and the baby actually is yours. After and only after you have completed a positive results DNA or blood test- then you have every right to be a part of the child's life and provide support. You both will have to work together to make that happen which may include telling her husband. Remember they did have an agreement. Not sure of the terms of that agreement but when you dabble in infidelity- the potential for slip-ups are strong.<br />
<br />
If its not your baby? Thank your higher power for sparing you the stress and potential price tag attached to having a child and vow to never sleep with married women again. Besides, who wants to explain to their 16 year old when he or she asks, how you and his/her Mom met?...umm awkward answer is putting it mildly.<br />
<br />
Lesson "Hopefully" Learned Love,<br />
<br />
Portland</div>
askportlandhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10394960710772351317noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8125845466864661153.post-47706098992374346352015-06-29T13:45:00.001-04:002015-06-29T13:45:14.504-04:00Should A Woman Ask A Man Out?
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Dear Portland,<o:p></o:p></span></span></b></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I like this guy who works for another
company in my building.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He actually
isn’t that cute but looks have never been high on my list of must have’s but he
looks pretty good for a man.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He has a
nice personality, a good job and a pretty interesting conversation.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He works two floors down so I usually see him
in the work cafeteria, the lobby or walking to and from the train.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He always speaks and walks with me if I see
him walking to and from work.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>How are
you doing? How was your weekend?.. is usually just about the gist of our
conversation.<o:p></o:p></span></span></b></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I really think I like him and would
really like him to ask me out.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My
friends are tired of me talking about him and keep telling me to go ahead and
make the first move and ask him out.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>They say that this is 2015 and women ask men out all the time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But I’m afraid and think I should wait for
him to make the first move- which might be never.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m afraid though.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What should I do?<o:p></o:p></span></span></b></div>
<br />
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Should I make the first move?<o:p></o:p></span></span></b></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 107%;"><o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></span><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Dear Should
You Make the First Move,<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">No. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I know there
are those women out there who have thrown caution to the wind and have made that move
and have been successful. But I know there are many who have regretted it
because as time passed the guy either didn’t treat her the way she expected or if they end up dating
seriously- in the back of her mind she will always wonder if he would have
asked her out on his own. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Now, about
those friends of yours and their advice.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I know they are probably good friends and they mean well but more than likely they are kind of tired of you
talking about him and have resorted to giving you bad advice. However, please,
please do not allow them to gas you up to do something that is both out of your
character and your comfort zone.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Maybe
your friends are those girls who ask men out- I’ve got a few of them myself-
but I’m just not that girl, and it sounds like you’re not her either.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I’ve heard guys
say they think it’s cool for a woman to ask them out and they encourage it…
yada, yada.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Those guys are not telling the truth.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Sorry darlin’. Men
aren’t telling the truth on purpose, they just think it’s a cool idea and guys
usually agree with all -cool ideas- especially if it involves a woman and the potential of a physical connection. I poled two males friends at happy hour and one said he would prefer to
ask her out because he would feel more in control of the date; and the other
thought it would flattering, to be asked out by a woman but then asked the
question… “wait, how she look?”- I cracked up laughing!...but his point was
well taken. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Sometimes
the ‘universe’ has a way of making us aware and even shielding women from certain
men who look good on the outside but may not be good for us. Keep that in mind
when you are getting antsy about some guy not making the next move…remember all
that glitters may not be gold. Then there are those times when he turns out to be a great guy and you are glad he waited to ask you out because you have those pre-first date memories to laugh about in the future.</span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">My advice to
you is to stop worrying and continue being your fabulous self. If you see him
in the building or outside- then talk to him like normal. Most of all continue
to keep your options open. Then when you least expect it, your interest is redirected to some other
man that you meet, at the grocery store or at a festival then this one will
either ask you out-not sure why that always seems to happen- be placed in the 'guy
you know from work' section of your life or he’ll fade-to-black. Whichever way
it works out, I guarantee you will be happy with your decision to NOT make the
first move.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 107%;"><o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></span><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Stay In Your
Lane Love,<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Portland <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
askportlandhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10394960710772351317noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8125845466864661153.post-18650762976820167932015-06-24T04:00:00.000-04:002015-06-24T04:00:16.629-04:00My Girlfriend Makes Alot More Money Than Me... Please Help!<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><strong>Dear
Portland,<o:p></o:p></strong></span></span></div>
<strong></strong><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><strong>I've been with my girlfriend for close to a year now, and generally, things are
great. I know in my heart that she's the woman I want to spend the rest of my
life with. I've even been saving a little while I scope out rings. The only problem
is that she makes a lot more money than I do...like A LOT!!! It's not part of
our everyday conversation. But the issue does show up from time to time, like
when she wants to go out to at a really nice restaurant that I can't afford,
leaving her to pick up the check or me offering to split it. The most resent
problem came up when she was planning her third vacation with her friends since
we've been together. She's paying her way and for her younger sister to go on
the trip. Other than weekend getaways to visit my parents or her parents, we've
never taken a real vacation together...mostly because I can't afford a trip
that would meet her high expectations. She unintentionally made me feel really
bad about not having the funds to do bigger things together. </strong></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><strong>Portland, am I
dating out of my league? How will I ever keep up with her if my bank account
cannot catch up to hers? Please help...<o:p></o:p></strong></span></span></div>
<strong></strong><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><strong>Five
Figure Phil<o:p></o:p></strong></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Dear
Five Figure Phil,</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: 12pt; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><o:p></o:p></span></span> </div>
<span style="font-size: 12pt; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Yes,
you may be out of your league but your girlfriend is most certainly…out of her
mind!<o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: 12pt; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: 12pt; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Phil,
I don’t know any women… in contemporary American society, of any race, on any
continent or for that much the universe- including undiscovered and unexplored territories
on other planets that would go on 3 vacations, during a calendar year...with a bunch of women-
especially if she has a man at home. </span></span><span style="font-size: 12pt; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">REALLY?!</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: 12pt; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: 12pt; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;"><o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I can't seem to figure out, w</span></o:p></span><span style="font-size: 12pt; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">hat
women sits on the beach in say Europe, better yet, Barbados (I’m going to assume
one of those excursions was to the Caribbean) with that amazing sun, white sand
beach, salsa music playing in the distant background, the waiter that you’re boyfriend (you're home, mad-never mind) tipped $15 when you arrived to serve and pay special attention to you
both so you don’t have to get up except to get in the crystal clear blue water to cool off. It gets better.
Then there’s the lady who gives amazing massages on the beach with cooling aloe
vera gel, and I can't forget, the unlimited pina coladas for breakfast (Yaas!),
lunch and dinner. All while laying next to your boyfriend, potentially your
future fiancé' (oh, right, you’re at home) softly snoring, completely
vulnerable, under the umbrella because he’s tired from the
countless times in the room…well you get the point. Opps, no you
don’t, because you're where? Home!<o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Who would trade that small slice of heaven to vacay with a bunch of
chicks and her little sister?! I’m sorry, were there 3 destination bachelorette
parties you forgot to mention?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Just so we're clear- the occasional girls trip is a must -every few years or so. We
ladies need a chance to reconnect and talk about all our girl stuff. While back at home, our men play
airport shuttle; chauffeuring us to the departure gate at BWI and retrieving us from the United baggage claim upon our return.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Yes, we females bond and all that jazz but…it's apples and oranges and definitely <s>should
be</s> the second choice compared to a vacation with you. Being a vacay companion is part of your job description as a boyfriend or girlfriend. It. just. is.</span></span></div>
<br />
<span style="font-size: 12pt; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">
Is she out of your league?</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: 12pt; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: 12pt; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I really don't know. You said she brought her sister on the trip.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>With that statement, I don’t know if you’re
implying that you wanted her to pay for you because of your finances (I hope you
didn’t mean that) vs. paying for her sister- it’s unclear.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
I'd have to know more about you and her to make a better determination. But I can tell you, although money wouldn't be a deciding factor it would play a role. I would base my opinion on your education, background, drive which would all likely provide a good prospectus of your earning potential.</span></span></span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">What
I do know is- if you really like her- I think you should slow down on the ring hunt and
use that money to go on a trip.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If you
can’t take a vacay together what makes you think you can spend the rest of your
life with her?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Go on at least one trip
with her this year- excluding parental visits. No excuses, as there are too many
discount internet travel sites and crazy inexpensive cruises available for
you to be home while she explores the world.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Although
this relationship seems imbalanced, I really don’t know how long
you can both keep ignoring the “elephant in the room” of the significant
difference in finances without having a serious talk. Especially since you seem
so concerned about it and you’ve been together for less than a year. You don’t
say whether you are unemployed or in a low paying job.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If either is your current job
status then I’m sure time and diligence will provide you with either a job, or a
better one.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">But
just so you know, there’s always going to be someone in the relationship who
earns more money and the man is usually much happier if it’s him. But since it’s
currently not you, what’s not cool is you crying broke and she tossing money
around like it grows on trees. Saving is important but so isn't spending quality time together and that usually costs money. So the subject of saving and spending for entertainment etc. should be a part of the
"elephant” conversation along with some of your other concerns- and
hers too. </span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Now, I Need A Vacation Love,<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Portland<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
askportlandhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10394960710772351317noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8125845466864661153.post-6137918895309629332015-06-04T19:45:00.000-04:002015-06-14T14:10:19.540-04:00I Miss Being Strong!<div>
<br />
<strong>Dear Portland,</strong><br />
<strong>I miss being strong! When I was younger, I used to have unshakeable faith in myself. No matter how hard things got, or whatever befell me, I always kept trying. I'm still trying, but I lost so much faith my ability to succeed. And I'm worried I'm becoming a jaded cynic. How, besides actually really succeeding at something, can I regain my confidence and faith in myself?</strong><br />
<strong></strong><br />
<strong>My strong is gone</strong><br />
<strong></strong><br />
<br />
Dear My Strong Is Gone,<br />
Wow what an honest question! <br />
I applaud you for seeing and admitting that things have changed in your life from positive to somewhat cynical--and you want your old self back. It seems to me that something has shaken your once high self esteem. You don't mention what that specific thing was or whether it was a series of things in your question but that is what I must assume. Age, rejection both personal and professional can play a role in moving from a place of yes to uncertainty. But rest assure you are not the only one. Many people suffer from this- its called growing up. And yes, sometime it can suck but keeping a positive attitude and not taking life too seriously is something you can consider working on. The fact that you are self-aware puts you heads and tails above the rest. Many people cannot understand their own feelings much less articulate them the way you did. I applaud you for that!<br />
Although you're older now and likely have more responsibilities, try to remember where you were and what you were doing when you had this unshakeable faith in yourself- and try to somewhat mimic that time. For example, in college, maybe you ran track or played on the tennis team and now you've stopped participating in those activities you enjoyed because family and work responsibilities have taken up more of your time? Or maybe you've abandoned your passion... for singing or dancing? Perhaps take a class at your local community college or volunteer-all communities seem to be in need of people who are willing to donate their time. Choose wisely then start slowly by picking at least one thing that you enjoy and I'm confident that you'll soon be looking at the <strike>old </strike>new and improved you in no time.<br />
<br />
Unshakably Strong Love,<br />
Portland</div>
askportlandhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10394960710772351317noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8125845466864661153.post-34710772327478595732010-06-01T20:04:00.002-04:002010-06-01T20:19:04.814-04:00Should I Tell My Friend He's Gay?!<strong>Dear Portland,</strong> <br /><br /><strong>I have a male friend that I love to death. He is cool, sweet, attentive and gives me advice about guys and all kinds of stuff. The problem is he hardly ever talks about women, doesn't date often and he has some feminine ways about him...small ones that is. He's a nice looking guy too, definitely a man women would be checking for. He loves to hang out with me and my girlfriends and has a few guy friends that he hangs out with but they are pretty regular. I want to say something but I fear it would effect our friendship. Should I tell him or wait for him to come out to me? </strong><br /><br /><strong>Concerned</strong><br /><br />Dear Concerned,<br /><br />If you really consider him a good friend, under NO circumstances should you TELL HIM that he's gay! <br /><br />Ok, yes, he's a little feminine and he hardly ever talks about other women-- but that doesn't mean he's gay. Did you ever consider that he might like you? He's not going to approach other women around you if he's interested in you.. And just because he likes hanging out with you and your girlfriends shouldn't make him "suspect." Maybe he'll do anything to see and spend time with you--even if that means hanging out with you and your all-girl-band. Just a thought. And believe me, if his friends are regular guys-it's rare that regular guys will hang out with a man who's gay. That would be strange.<br /><br />If he tells you he wants to be a hairdresser, becomes your personal stylist or asks to borrow a skirt...then there might be reason for concern. But until one of those situations arises or something similar-- relax.<br /><br />Although most of us women don't like it, some men have slight feminine ways. You've probably heard the term metrosexual, a guy who is more into his appearance etc. than traditional men but is not considered gay. There are alot of metro-sexuals at the club, lounges, grocery store-everywhere. Look around you'll see. Also, every man isn't trying to connect with every woman he sees. Some men are very targeted and particular about the women they approach especially when he's at the point in life where he's ready to settle down.<br /><br />If you are concerned about him and his sexuality, then the best thing that you can do for your friend-is to be a friend. A friend who isn't judgemental, a confidant that he can talk to about almost anything. If it turns out that he is gay I can almost guarantee he will tell you when he is ready. Until then, zip those lips because good friends- straight or gay- are hard to find- and if you're wrong, it could damage your friendship. <br /><br /><strong>Metro Love, Portland</strong>askportlandhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10394960710772351317noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8125845466864661153.post-17823362331405965802010-05-29T22:40:00.001-04:002015-06-14T14:11:24.038-04:00The Drunk Calls...<strong>Dear Portland,<br /><br />My ex keeps drunk calling me. He tells me in his drunken stupor how much he loves me and wants me back. The problem is when we actually talk when he's sober he can't say any of the things he says during the sloppy voicemails. I really would like to get back together with him but I don't know where his feelings are...and for that much mine?<br /><br />Not Drunk but Confused,</strong><br />
<br />
Dear Not Drunk but Confused,<br />
<br />
Aww... the drunk call. I've gotten a few of those and call me silly but they're kinda nice! You either get them from a guy that is crushing on you- who is afraid of rejection, a current boyfriend you're having problems with or an ex who's trying to work through some feelings. <br />
<br />
The drunk call is actually quite sweet in a dysfunctional sort of way. He probably loves you and most certainly doesn't know how to or is afraid to share his feelings...sober. So when he has had one too many, the thought of you consumes his brain, he dials your number and the rest just... blame it on the liquor. <br />
<br />
If this was a guy who just had a crush on you, I'd say to casually approach him and tell him you might be intersted too. But since this is an ex that you want back then you probably should take the high road. Ask him to meet you in the park or a nice, quiet, somewhat romantic place to talk. In a playful, slightly serious, "I thought that was really sweet" way, tell him you've gotten his messages and would like to talk with the hopes of working things out. That way when he meets you he'll know that the goal is to get back together making it easier for him to share his true feelings- without the help of a drink. Good luck!<br />
<br />
<strong>Sweet Walter Red(my favorite wine) Love, Portland</strong>askportlandhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10394960710772351317noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8125845466864661153.post-83226341914977926402010-04-07T10:52:00.000-04:002010-04-08T13:58:15.686-04:00What's the Point of Playing Hard To Get?!<strong>Dear Portland,<br /><br />If you are feeling a dude that respectfully approaches you, what is the point of “playing hard to get?”</strong><br /><br /><strong>Respectful Guy</strong><br /><br />Dear Respectful,<br /><br />Classic…<br /><br />For most women it’s pretty simple. If he’s interested he’ll show you and more than once if necessary. Why do we do this? Because we are not sure of your REAL intentions and we aren’t really sure if we like you yet. Yes, you may express your most heart felt feelings, which we like, but your actions speak louder than the words. <br /><br />A man will see a woman of interest and approach her as soon as the coast is clear. Because men tend to take a woman for her word and almost immediately is ready to move forward. Not always a good thing but that’s a whole new question to answer. Women are a bit more cautious when approached by a man. Although the exterior package may look correct—getting to know you is usually what we’re doing. Are you really as good of a man as you say you are? Baggage, etc…<br /><br />So, I apologize for all the women in your life that have or are playing hard to get but hopefully one of them is worth the effort. <br /><br /><br /><strong>"Hard To Get" Love, Portland</strong>askportlandhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10394960710772351317noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8125845466864661153.post-41319080126490372442010-03-15T09:58:00.000-04:002010-03-16T10:57:58.479-04:00My Boyfriend Got Another Women Pregnant...<strong>Dear Portland,<br /><br />I have recently found out my boyfriend of 6 yrs. got another women pregnant after a 2 week split we had. What do I do?? I love him so much.<br />What should I do? What’s the right answer?</strong><br /><br />Dear Right Answer,<br /><br />Ouch! <br /><br />There are only two things you can do. ..break-up with him for good or accept the child as part of your relationship. Six years is a long time and if you both can acknowledge that you were officially broken-up during that time then you both were free to see other people, which, sorry to say, includes having sex. Stuff happens-we all make mistakes. If this was some random chick then boyfriend was dumb for not wearing a condom. But if he liked the girl but couldn’t move forward because of feelings for you then this one should be chaulked up to he got caught-up in the situation. Either way it’s a tough decision. <br /><br />The question to ask yourself is—aside from loving him— are you willing to be in a relationship with a man who has a child and a baby’s mother? If the answer is no, then you know what to do but if you stay with this guy a lot of trust and maturity are going to be key. Trust that there is nothing still going on with he and this girl because he will have to see and communicate with her to share time with the baby; and mature enough to balance his daddy role with your relationship.<br /><br />I posed your question to two of my girl and one male friend with the assumption that all is well (e.g a good guy who is trustworthy and wants to own up to his responsibility) all said yes, they would continue in the relationship and I agree, but you should feel completely comfortable that you have a future with this guy. <br />The right answer is the one you choose. Good Luck and I think it will work out just fine.<br /><br /><strong>“If loving you is wrong, then I don’t wanna be right,” Love Portland</strong>askportlandhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10394960710772351317noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8125845466864661153.post-71461627406625554552010-02-17T15:44:00.000-05:002010-02-17T16:07:00.380-05:00My Boyfriend Hasn't Called Me in Six Days...<strong>Dear Portland,<br /><br />My boyfriend of a year hasn't called in six days and I have no idea why. Usually it has something to do with him being mad at me or something along those lines, other times its just him being busy, but even then he'll call after just a couple of days. The last time we talked was when he told me that we couldn't get together on New Years Eve, and I was pretty upset about it for a while but got over it quickly.<br /><br />Like I said, usually if he's acting like this, I know the reason or have a pretty good idea but as of right now, I ‘m COMPLETELY in the dark and totally confused. Should I wait for him to call me, which might be never, depending on why he’s mad (if he's mad), or should I wait for a certain length of time and call him? </strong><br /><br /><strong>In The Dark</strong><br /><br />Dear In The Dark,<br /><br />Let me open the curtains for you!<br /><br />This guy is much to "suspect" to have the title of “boyfriend” in your life. It seems very possible that he picks fights with you to make it easier for him to go missing in action (e.g.. New Year’s Eve), then come around when he wants or has time.<br /><br />This guy is showing all the signs that he’s either crazy, dating someone else, married or more recently…dead!<br /><br />I suggest <em>one</em> of the following:<br /><br />If he’s alive, when he does call, ask him to never call you again— then get a real boyfriend who appreciates you.<br /><br />If he is dead—you should probably go to the funeral.<br /><br /><strong>"100 Watt" Love, Portland</strong>askportlandhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10394960710772351317noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8125845466864661153.post-29856780492238478342010-01-28T10:57:00.000-05:002010-01-28T11:13:45.250-05:00He Keeps Buying Me Lingerie...<strong>Dear Portland,<br /><br />My husband keeps buying me lingerie for my birthday. I know I should be appreciative, and I am, to some degree, but every year it doesn’t fit. I’m a plus-size woman and it’s usually hideous, but most of all it isn’t for me. Lingerie is really for him to enjoy that night. I want a gift for me, like jewelry, not something I’m going to wear for 2 minutes, wash the next day and toss in the drawer. <br /><br />Upset</strong><br /><br />Dear Upset,<br /><br />I get it. You want your husband to buy a more personal gift for your birthday that only you can enjoy, like a piece of jewelry, AND something sexy, that's pretty and fits. <br /><br />Although ugly and ill fitting—I do like that he’s taking the time to shop for you, so let’s not spoil his fun. He probably enjoys the whole shopping adventure, unlike most men who would be a nervous-wreck in the lingerie section of Macy’s or Victoria’s Secret. <br /><br />The size part—I do understand as no one feels sexy in something that doesn’t fit. Simply ask him to get you the next size. Fredericks of Hollywood, <em>www.fredericks.com</em> offers various sizes, props and accessories too. <br /><br />Please overlook his poor taste, as he obviously is pleased with his purchase and you did say it will only be on for a few minutes—so just smile and say thank you.<br /><br />As for the jewelry…I consulted two of my married girlfriends on this one. To ensure that you get, let’s say, that bracelet you want, tell him, in a nice way, what and where to purchase if you don’t trust his taste here. Better yet, put it on hold and tell the salesperson your husband is coming in to buy “this”- then send hubby off to the mall. When he gets home you can slip into your new outfit—that fits—and “officially” thank him for your birthday gifts.<br /><br /><strong>“Birthday Suit,” Love, Portland </strong>askportlandhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10394960710772351317noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8125845466864661153.post-46773912497889562010-01-26T13:57:00.000-05:002010-01-26T14:08:13.864-05:00I Want To Sleep With My Sister's Boyfriend...Am I Crazy?<strong>Dear Portland,<br /><br />My sister’s boyfriend is always hitting on me (eye contact, etc.) when she’s not around. I know he wants to sleep with me and I’m so attracted to him physically that I really want too. I know I’m crazy, what should I do?<br /><br />Crazy!</strong><br /><br />Dear Crazy,<br /><br />This is the question you should've asked me…<br /><br /><em>Dear Portland,<br /><br />What is the absolute, without-a-doubt way for me to "catch a beat-down?"</em><br /><br />my reply…<br /><br /><em>Dear Crazy,<br /><br />Let your sister find out you slept with her man!</em><br /><br /><strong>“Catfight” Love, Portland</strong>askportlandhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10394960710772351317noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8125845466864661153.post-91852255103484946972010-01-19T11:34:00.000-05:002010-01-20T16:39:34.287-05:00Is A "Mutual" Breakup Ever Really Mutual?<strong>Dear Portland,<br /><br />Is a “Mutual” Breakup Ever Really Mutual?</strong><br /><br />Dear Ever Really Mutual,<br /><br />I had this conversation back in 2008 with some friends at Chi Cha Lounge in DC. I forget how the subject came up but the conversation went on for hours. After many drinks and what started as a civilized exchange turned into a loud, hilarious debate that ended with the answer (shouted by one of the guys)… Hell No!<br /><br />I must agree with my crazy friends, breakups are hardly ever mutual. It cracks me up when people say “yes, we broke up, but it’s cool, because it was mutual.” My reply, yeah, right!<br /><br />Yes, there’s trouble in paradise and yes, some things could change in the partnership or the relationship could’ve been a hot mess from the start but there’s always one person who wants to hang on more than the other. He/she may front and play the strong role, but in the end one of them wishes or hopes the relationship can or could have been worked out but is too chicken to say it.<br /><br />It’s funny too, because if you’re not close to the couple, or should I say—all in their business— you’ll never really know how it happened. Right?!<br /><br />Let’s say he broke it off with her. She tells her people that it was “mutual” because she doesn’t want to admit that she got dumped, and he tells his friends it was mutual because he doesn’t want to seem like the bad guy.<br /><br />My theory—the one who talks about the other the most, remembering the good times and “conveniently” bringing his or her name up with friends and family is usually the one who didn’t want the relationship to end. This is also the one who’s heart stops every time the phone rings, secretly hoping he/she has come to his/her senses and wants to get back together. The other person is hurt and a little sad about the outcome but knows it was for the best. He/she has moved on with life- as well as to be expected -and may see places and things that they shared as a couple, but knows it will be no more…<br /><br /><strong>“Not So Mutual,” Love, Portland</strong>Ask Portlandhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17751934086334176024noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8125845466864661153.post-86864300621010058222010-01-15T14:45:00.000-05:002010-01-20T16:40:14.063-05:00Should I Break Up With Him?<strong>Dear Portland,<br /><br />I have a boyfriend and we’ve been dating for a year and 3 months and I love him. The problem is I’m falling in love with someone else, it’s confusing to say the least, but he really treats me better. I want to break up with my boyfriend...but I don’t know if I should and how to go about it. Please help!<br /><br />Possible Break-Up</strong><br /><br /><br />Dear Possible Break-Up,<br /><br />Love can hurt.<br /><br />You met your boyfriend a little more than a year ago and things are just ok, but you met another guy, probably by accident, and he treats you better. For fear of sounding harsh, it happens! You are not married to your boyfriend so it may be time to move on. The problem is— it breaks your heart, that you are about to break his.<br /><br />Once you’ve made the decision to move forward—how you go about it is key. First, make sure you really want to end it with your boyfriend. You say this new guy treats you better but, you have time and feelings invested with your boyfriend and once you start down the breakup road, changing your mind will make it really tough to turn back. Make sure this new guy is ready to make a commitment to you and the relationship. I’d hate for you to leave a good man for another who isn’t ready to commit. I can’t stress that enough. Then, make a list of your boyfriend and the new guy’s positives and negative traits and see which one is the longest. Then list the sweet gestures, how safe you feel when you’re with each of them (this one is important), conversations, intimacy, etc. and since it’s been a year and you’ve probably met each others families- how he relates to your family and you to his—all the intangible stuff that happens in a relationship that helps it grow. Corny? Possibly, but let’s call it “breakup due diligence.”<br /><br />Then set a relaxing yet non-sexual mood at your house, and invite your boyfriend over to talk. Some people say that a public place is best but he may get angry and cause a scene—just keep it private. During the conversation highlight his positive points and all the things that attracted you to him all while expressing that your feelings have changed—yet spare his feelings that you’re interested in someone else. Downplay any negative traits, hope he understands and offer to be friends.<br /><br />However, I have to warn you that most men don’t take break-ups lightly, and he will probably try his best to win you back, especially if you caught him off guard and this isn’t a mutual thing. Be ready for that, and don’t play games.<br /><br />And if you are really over this guy and ready to break up and commit to another then try to stay firm in your decision and move on.<br /><br />Please keep me posted on this one.<br /><br /><strong>“Heart-broken,” Love, Portland</strong>Ask Portlandhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17751934086334176024noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8125845466864661153.post-54163408439204219372010-01-08T16:22:00.000-05:002010-01-20T16:41:23.206-05:00Bikini Wax--What Can I Expect?<strong>Dear Portland,<br /><br />Have you had experiences with getting a bikini wax? If so, how bad does it hurt? How often do you have to get them done? What will my boyfriend think? Does it have any effect on sex? Will I feel like a porn star?<br /><br />Signed,<br /><br />A little scared, but a lot anxious!</strong><br /><br />Dear Scared and Anxious:<br /><br />My best friend turned me on to the bikini wax and I must say…I LOVE the results, but HATE the process! It hurts especially your first few times but it gets easier to bare as time goes on. The good news is the hair grows back a lot finer and slower (usually 6-8 weeks) with consistent visits.<br /><br />There are two types of bikini waxes:<br /><br />Bikini wax (regular)<br />Brazilian<br /><br />A regular bikini wax is somewhat painless. That’s when hair is removed that grows outside your panty line with a warm liquid wax or by a process called sugaring (my personal favorite). The wax is applied in the direction that the hair grows with an applicator then quickly removed.<br /><br />The brazilian, which is what I get using the sugaring process, is much more intense but delivers the very best results. This is where they remove ALL the hair from down-there. You may have heard of a “Telly Savalis?”…well that’s a nick name for the brazilian. <br />It hurts for an instant but once the hair is removed the pain quickly goes away and you’re left with a very smooth cho-cha! <br /><br />What will your boyfriend think? He will probably very much like the noticeable change. Actually, studies show that men don’t really care whether women have hair or not in that area so either he’ll love it or leave it. It makes you feel kind of sexy after you get it…can’t really explain it but it does. Will it affect sex? Absolutely, because you’ll feel way more sexy, uninhibited, and like a porn star... as most of them get the brazilian. <br /><br />To find a qualified waxer, ask around for recommendations. Other women are commonly very generous with that information and will travel to get this service. I'm slightly ashamed to say that I cross a state line to get mine...my girl, Sue, rocks! I digress, sorry,...then make an appointment and have he/she explain the process, then if you're comfortable-- go for it. It should range at the $50-80 price depending on your demographic area. <br /> <br /><strong>“Porn Star,” Love, Portland</strong>Ask Portlandhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17751934086334176024noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8125845466864661153.post-45486981349502597432010-01-06T16:25:00.000-05:002010-01-20T16:42:52.122-05:00I Think I'm Falling In Love<strong>Dear Portland,<br /><br />I think I'm falling in love. I'm 28 years old and I've been dating this guy for 8 months now and he's funny, intelligent, outgoing and we have many of the same future goals. When I'm with him time flies and when we're apart I look forward to seeing him. We have become an important part of each others lives. The only problem is we have not spent an extended period of time together. We have not taken any long trips, or really have had any crisis' to weather so it makes me a little scared. I really want to know him as the complete man; not just the one who is great when everything is going right.<br /><br />Falling In Love,</strong><br /><br />Dear Falling In Love,<br /><br />I'd hoped for a question like this, because it's a bit of a challenge for me as I’<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">ve</span> had friends as well as myself in similar relationships. In a few cases the guy turned out to be a NO!<br /><br />So, congratulations on meeting a nice guy. I applaud you for what seems like a pretty grounded approach to this relationship. Many times women meet a man, and he has all the above qualities. Then we rush into the relationship too quickly and the "real" person comes out that we don't like so much. I think 6-8 months is about the time you’ll start to see unpleasant personality traits in someone— you know when, as my friend Kym has said “the <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">imposter</span> leaves and the real person steps out.”<br /><br />I suggest that you ask his advice about something in your life e.g work, school etc. where you might have some challenges. Or if you have car trouble or a car question, call him and ask his opinion or call him before AAA just to see how he handles it. Whether he comes to your rescue, calls a friend who is close by to help...whatever, it will give you better insight on how he may act in a crisis when you are in need. However, I’d stay away from money and family issues because those can be hard to navigate and subjective. If all goes well, then discuss a weekend trip and have fun but don’t look for anything negative to occur- just listen to your heart and especially your woman’s intuition (your gut).<br /><br /><strong>“Have Fun Falling In Love” Love, Portland</strong>Ask Portlandhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17751934086334176024noreply@blogger.com1