Dear Portland,
I’m a smart, educated, relatively attractive man who is currently seeing Miss Right Now.
She’s cute, likes me a lot and the sex is good—but there is no real connection with us. She's a nice girl but she doesn’t seem to have a mind of her own and she’s so agreeable and somewhat immature. She stays at my house often because, I get lonely, and it’s easier for sex. She’s insecure that I will cheat on her. The problem is she wants a commitment and I’m starting to get nervous that she will start trippin’ or worse—get pregnant, although she says she’s on the pill.
To make matters worse, I’ve had a crush on this nice looking, intelligent, single woman at my gym for awhile but have been too nervous to ask her out--because she seems out of my league. But when we talk, I feel like we have so much in common and a connection every time….I really think she could possibly be the one.
I know this is my fault for getting myself in this mess but…how do I Get Rid of Right Now so I can get with Miss Right?
--Mr. Confused
Dear Confused,
You are well on your way to becoming a baby daddy paying child support. In other words a statistic. You haven’t learned from others mistakes? I’d bet my favorite red pumps that you know another man, probably one of your boys, who has become a father before he was ready and with the wrong women just because he got lonely and wanted easy, convenient sex.
You said she was cute, the sex is good but no real connection, right? Where I come from that's called a…bed buddy, booty call or hook-up because that is what she is, no. more. no. less. But you’ve now taken a historically sexual arrangement between a man and a woman and complicated the-hell-out-of an otherwise simple routine visit. Wow! And you’re taking her word for it that she’s on the pill? That's like players club rule #1 of which I'm sure you are breaking all the valid cardholder rules.
Never, ever, believe a woman is on the pill, unless you’ve both had a very serious talk and agreed that you don’t want children yet—and you really believe her. Because sorry to say, but some of my female counterparts are quite relentless when it comes to locking down a man and a baby is high on the list of tactics. The loneliness, I understand, as I think we’ve all felt like that at some point or another. But if you’re just sleeping with a woman, yet have no real connection, after awhile, don’t you feel lonely even when she’s around—like there’s something missing…an emptiness?
Are you afraid if you connect with Miss Right, that it might actually work out? Believe it or not I think some men and women are afraid to be happy...but that's another post. That she might be the one or the one before the One. And that you might have to put in some work and maybe, just maybe, show a little vulnerability? Probably. Hopefully, all that doesn’t scare you, making it easier to say “she’s out of my league” or “high maintenance” rather than pursuing her. I hope not either.
I believe that we are all much the same yet from different backgrounds and varied experiences. Experiences that should be embraced and respected are often viewed as negative or a divider. So many men date beneath your core standards to elevate themselves to feel more comfortable. Yet are unhappy then years later have a long list of regrets!
So when you talk to Miss Right at the gym you feel a connection…what else do you need? You’ve both probably discussed liking some of the same things, places and you obviously have the healthy lifestyle in common or you wouldn’t have met at the gym. She’s totally in your league. Stop playing and ask her out. Because when you see her with the next man—you’re gonna be mad while adding her to your TOTGA List (The One That Got Away) and sending me a new question entitled... How Do I Get Miss Right from Mr. Right Now?
I Hope I’m Right, Love Portland
I’m a smart, educated, relatively attractive man who is currently seeing Miss Right Now.
She’s cute, likes me a lot and the sex is good—but there is no real connection with us. She's a nice girl but she doesn’t seem to have a mind of her own and she’s so agreeable and somewhat immature. She stays at my house often because, I get lonely, and it’s easier for sex. She’s insecure that I will cheat on her. The problem is she wants a commitment and I’m starting to get nervous that she will start trippin’ or worse—get pregnant, although she says she’s on the pill.
To make matters worse, I’ve had a crush on this nice looking, intelligent, single woman at my gym for awhile but have been too nervous to ask her out--because she seems out of my league. But when we talk, I feel like we have so much in common and a connection every time….I really think she could possibly be the one.
I know this is my fault for getting myself in this mess but…how do I Get Rid of Right Now so I can get with Miss Right?
--Mr. Confused
Dear Confused,
You are well on your way to becoming a baby daddy paying child support. In other words a statistic. You haven’t learned from others mistakes? I’d bet my favorite red pumps that you know another man, probably one of your boys, who has become a father before he was ready and with the wrong women just because he got lonely and wanted easy, convenient sex.
You said she was cute, the sex is good but no real connection, right? Where I come from that's called a…bed buddy, booty call or hook-up because that is what she is, no. more. no. less. But you’ve now taken a historically sexual arrangement between a man and a woman and complicated the-hell-out-of an otherwise simple routine visit. Wow! And you’re taking her word for it that she’s on the pill? That's like players club rule #1 of which I'm sure you are breaking all the valid cardholder rules.
Never, ever, believe a woman is on the pill, unless you’ve both had a very serious talk and agreed that you don’t want children yet—and you really believe her. Because sorry to say, but some of my female counterparts are quite relentless when it comes to locking down a man and a baby is high on the list of tactics. The loneliness, I understand, as I think we’ve all felt like that at some point or another. But if you’re just sleeping with a woman, yet have no real connection, after awhile, don’t you feel lonely even when she’s around—like there’s something missing…an emptiness?
My advice is to let Right Now down easy and give her her walking papers...yesterday. Then join a basketball league, go hang out with your boys, have a singles party at your house or join a co-ed book club…something.
As for Miss Right...she is NOT out of your league. You’re just feeling insecure which is why you're probably wasting so much time with that other chick. Dating a woman beneath your standards who is probably trying to get pregnant is not smart.
As for Miss Right...she is NOT out of your league. You’re just feeling insecure which is why you're probably wasting so much time with that other chick. Dating a woman beneath your standards who is probably trying to get pregnant is not smart.
Are you afraid if you connect with Miss Right, that it might actually work out? Believe it or not I think some men and women are afraid to be happy...but that's another post. That she might be the one or the one before the One. And that you might have to put in some work and maybe, just maybe, show a little vulnerability? Probably. Hopefully, all that doesn’t scare you, making it easier to say “she’s out of my league” or “high maintenance” rather than pursuing her. I hope not either.
I believe that we are all much the same yet from different backgrounds and varied experiences. Experiences that should be embraced and respected are often viewed as negative or a divider. So many men date beneath your core standards to elevate themselves to feel more comfortable. Yet are unhappy then years later have a long list of regrets!
So when you talk to Miss Right at the gym you feel a connection…what else do you need? You’ve both probably discussed liking some of the same things, places and you obviously have the healthy lifestyle in common or you wouldn’t have met at the gym. She’s totally in your league. Stop playing and ask her out. Because when you see her with the next man—you’re gonna be mad while adding her to your TOTGA List (The One That Got Away) and sending me a new question entitled... How Do I Get Miss Right from Mr. Right Now?
I Hope I’m Right, Love Portland
