Should I Break Up With Him?

Dear Portland,

I have a boyfriend and we’ve been dating for a year and 3 months and I love him. The problem is I’m falling in love with someone else, it’s confusing to say the least, but he really treats me better. I want to break up with my boyfriend...but I don’t know if I should and how to go about it. Please help!

Possible Break-Up


Dear Possible Break-Up,

Love can hurt.

You met your boyfriend a little more than a year ago and things are just ok, but you met another guy, probably by accident, and he treats you better. For fear of sounding harsh, it happens! You are not married to your boyfriend so it may be time to move on. The problem is— it breaks your heart, that you are about to break his.

Once you’ve made the decision to move forward—how you go about it is key. First, make sure you really want to end it with your boyfriend. You say this new guy treats you better but, you have time and feelings invested with your boyfriend and once you start down the breakup road, changing your mind will make it really tough to turn back. Make sure this new guy is ready to make a commitment to you and the relationship. I’d hate for you to leave a good man for another who isn’t ready to commit. I can’t stress that enough. Then, make a list of your boyfriend and the new guy’s positives and negative traits and see which one is the longest. Then list the sweet gestures, how safe you feel when you’re with each of them (this one is important), conversations, intimacy, etc. and since it’s been a year and you’ve probably met each others families- how he relates to your family and you to his—all the intangible stuff that happens in a relationship that helps it grow. Corny? Possibly, but let’s call it “breakup due diligence.”

Then set a relaxing yet non-sexual mood at your house, and invite your boyfriend over to talk. Some people say that a public place is best but he may get angry and cause a scene—just keep it private. During the conversation highlight his positive points and all the things that attracted you to him all while expressing that your feelings have changed—yet spare his feelings that you’re interested in someone else. Downplay any negative traits, hope he understands and offer to be friends.

However, I have to warn you that most men don’t take break-ups lightly, and he will probably try his best to win you back, especially if you caught him off guard and this isn’t a mutual thing. Be ready for that, and don’t play games.

And if you are really over this guy and ready to break up and commit to another then try to stay firm in your decision and move on.

Please keep me posted on this one.

“Heart-broken,” Love, Portland