Can't Get Over An Ex!

Dear Portland,

My ex and I broke up a few months ago. It was a horrible, messy breakup and we aren't speaking. I think he's over it, but I'm still extremely hurt and depressed. My friends & family are tired of hearing me talk about him, and I'm tired of thinking about him. We had a serious relationship for 2 years, and it's killing me it didn't work out. How do I get over this already? It's ruined friendships and has affected my school work.

--An Ex-Mess

Dear Ex-Mess,

Sorry to hear about your breakup...to put it frankly--breaking up is the worst and most of us have been there.

I'll assume since you said "it looks like he's moved on"--he broke up with you. My advice is to give yourself time to grieve -one month max. Most would say to just "get out there to take your mind off of things" and/or "the best way to get over someone--is with someone else." All true, but many people, run out prematurely. Don't be ashamed to take time to heal your heart. Too many women--and men too-- don't take the time to heal and keep repeating the vicious cycle.

When the month is up, or before if you think your strong enough--I need you to get up and moving! Connect with friends and old boyfriends (the one's that are real friends) that you may have lost touch with and like Beyonce's song "Put Your Freakum' Dress On"...and go out and have fun.

From your question, I'm not sure if you want him back or not. Either way re-focus on your school work. If you want your ex back then go to places he frequents, look hot and he'll notice. But remember although tough, you broke up for a reason and there is no sense in going back to the same problems-so talk alot and give the process some time. If you don't want him back, don't go to his familiar spots and just have fun--all while looking your most fabulous-- until you meet your new prince. Closed doors can open up new windows.

"Freakum Dress" Love, Portland