Should He Love You More Than You Love Him?

Dear Portland,

Have you ever heard the saying..."he should love you more than you love him?" And if so, what is your opinion.

Signed, Just Asking

Dear Just Asking,

Yes, I've heard that adage many times. Usually from mature, wise, sometimes married women (mother, grandmother, aunt etc.) and men providing single women advice about men. Some women think it is very true and some completely toss it to the side as something similar to an old wives tale. What it means is... the relationship is much more likely to be a success; meaning dating and marriage that is, if the man has more interest than the woman. 

Listen, we've all had a girlfriend who obviously has deeper feelings than her man in the relationship and she makes a fool out of herself by going above an beyond what "we would do" for a man.  She buys him gifts, let's him drive her car...just a laundry list of craziness where she's convinced herself that he is the right man and she needs to prove her love for him...yeah, right!  We may call her a dummy; coincidentally a man making a fool of himself for a women is called romantic. Is that fair? No, but rarely are affairs of the heart. It's a double standard at best.
 
As for the adage itself, I think there is some validity to it. Here's why...

From a relationship standpoint most couples aren't romantically interested at the same level especially in the beginning of the relationship. Usually Ideally, he likes you and shows that by attempting to "convince" or "win you over" by taking you to dinner, the movies, concerts, wine festivals etc. in an attempt to "convince" you that he is a good man with the hope that you will like him in return and ultimately become his girlfriend.  The adage originates from him expressing his interest in a women much more than she does to him (e.g...dates, flowers, time etc.) or courting her.

I have a friend who was not attracted to her now husband when they first met.  He's  handsome, smart, educated and has turned out to be a good provider and father to thier children. Thing is, she liked that "other" type of guy.  The player, gaslighting dude she had to work with.  The one where she had to plan all the dates and had to eventually ask "where is this going?" And his response was some dumb random look of confusion.  Yeah, that guy!  But she woke up- and quick (thank goodness).  She realized that her now husband who did all the right things and pursued her like a gentlemen was the one that she ultimately knew was the best choice which made her fall in love with him.

So my opinion, is always keep this adage in the back of your mind when dating and entering into a relationship. Use it as a barometer to determine the level of interest and feelings that a man has for you and how he expresses them.

Just Answering Love,

Portland