Should A Woman Ask A Man Out?

Dear Portland,

I like this guy who works for another company in my building.  He actually isn’t that cute but looks have never been high on my list of must have’s but he looks pretty good for a man.  He has a nice personality, a good job and a pretty interesting conversation.  He works two floors down so I usually see him in the work cafeteria, the lobby or walking to and from the train.  He always speaks and walks with me if I see him walking to and from work.  How are you doing? How was your weekend?.. is usually just about the gist of our conversation.

I really think I like him and would really like him to ask me out.  My friends are tired of me talking about him and keep telling me to go ahead and make the first move and ask him out.  They say that this is 2015 and women ask men out all the time.  But I’m afraid and think I should wait for him to make the first move- which might be never.  I’m afraid though.  What should I do?

Should I make the first move?

 Dear Should You Make the First Move,

No.

I know there are those women out there who have thrown caution to the wind and have made that move and have been successful. But I know there are many who have regretted it because as time passed the guy either didn’t treat her the way she expected or if they end up dating seriously- in the back of her mind she will always wonder if he would have asked her out on his own.

Now, about those friends of yours and their advice.  I know they are probably good friends and they mean well but more than likely they are kind of tired of you talking about him and have resorted to giving you bad advice. However, please, please do not allow them to gas you up to do something that is both out of your character and your comfort zone.  Maybe your friends are those girls who ask men out- I’ve got a few of them myself- but I’m just not that girl, and it sounds like you’re not her either.

I’ve heard guys say they think it’s cool for a woman to ask them out and they encourage it… yada, yada.  Those guys are not telling the truth.  Sorry darlin’. Men aren’t telling the truth on purpose, they just think it’s a cool idea and guys usually agree with all -cool ideas- especially if it involves a woman and the potential of a physical connection. I poled two males friends at happy hour and one said he would prefer to ask her out because he would feel more in control of the date; and the other thought it would flattering, to be asked out by a woman but then asked the question… “wait, how she look?”- I cracked up laughing!...but his point was well taken.

Sometimes the ‘universe’ has a way of making us aware and even shielding women from certain men who look good on the outside but may not be good for us. Keep that in mind when you are getting antsy about some guy not making the next move…remember all that glitters may not be gold. Then there are those times when he turns out to be a great guy and you are glad he waited to ask you out because you have those pre-first date memories to laugh about in the future.

My advice to you is to stop worrying and continue being your fabulous self. If you see him in the building or outside- then talk to him like normal. Most of all continue to keep your options open. Then when you least expect it, your interest is redirected to some other man that you meet, at the grocery store or at a festival then this one will either ask you out-not sure why that always seems to happen- be placed in the 'guy you know from work' section of your life or he’ll fade-to-black. Whichever way it works out, I guarantee you will be happy with your decision to NOT make the first move.

 Stay In Your Lane Love,

Portland