Dear Portland,
My husband always complains that I dont initiate s**. I'm a stay at home mom with two highly energetic small children. I do excersice and pay attention to my grooming and appearance but honestly I never feel like initiating. I used to initiate more before the kids but now I'm tired and I really want my husband to take charge of that area. What should I do?
Not in the mood.
Dear Get in the Mood,
Ok, I'm not a parent but I know if I did have children, I would have a primary and contingency babysitter in my bag of tricks at all times becauseyour my adult life and marriage must live on- despite 2 children. I do understand this could happen to the best of us but at a certain point I think you should understand and try your best to comply with hubby's request. But that said, what you and hubby are experiencing is not the end of the world and can result in just plain fun.
My advice is to have a light-hearted talk with him, and I really mean light-hearted, because this challenge in your marriage has the potential to become the beginning of a real issue. Suggest taking turns with initiating. Then get creative. The more creative the better- with some agreeable limits of course. Please don't let me see you both on CNN because you were arrested for lood behavior in a public place- I'm going to turn the channel. I would feel obligated to post your bail because you took my advice too far and got busted. Yeah, no. (smile)If you are one of those competitive type couples then trying to top each other is going to the last thing I want is a letter reporting back that you are now fighting over who intitated the last time. Committ to the process.
I asked a friend and the immediate answer I received was "she better before he finds someone else who is in the mood." I somewhat disagree with this statement because I don't think all men are just going to give up on their wife and risk the potential loss of his family- but I do think it's important to listen and compromise in your marriage.
But I do think since your husband has moved from thinking he wants you to intiate to communicating it verbally then it may be time to listen.
My husband always complains that I dont initiate s**. I'm a stay at home mom with two highly energetic small children. I do excersice and pay attention to my grooming and appearance but honestly I never feel like initiating. I used to initiate more before the kids but now I'm tired and I really want my husband to take charge of that area. What should I do?
Not in the mood.
Dear Get in the Mood,
Ok, I'm not a parent but I know if I did have children, I would have a primary and contingency babysitter in my bag of tricks at all times because
My advice is to have a light-hearted talk with him, and I really mean light-hearted, because this challenge in your marriage has the potential to become the beginning of a real issue. Suggest taking turns with initiating. Then get creative. The more creative the better- with some agreeable limits of course. Please don't let me see you both on CNN because you were arrested for lood behavior in a public place- I'm going to turn the channel. I would feel obligated to post your bail because you took my advice too far and got busted. Yeah, no. (smile)If you are one of those competitive type couples then trying to top each other is going to the last thing I want is a letter reporting back that you are now fighting over who intitated the last time. Committ to the process.
I asked a friend and the immediate answer I received was "she better before he finds someone else who is in the mood." I somewhat disagree with this statement because I don't think all men are just going to give up on their wife and risk the potential loss of his family- but I do think it's important to listen and compromise in your marriage.
But I do think since your husband has moved from thinking he wants you to intiate to communicating it verbally then it may be time to listen.
Initiate Love,
Portland
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