Dear Portland,
I have a male friend that I love to death. He is cool, sweet, attentive and gives me advice about guys and all kinds of stuff. The problem is he hardly ever talks about women, doesn't date often and he has some feminine ways about him...small ones that is. He's a nice looking guy too, definitely a man women would be checking for. He loves to hang out with me and my girlfriends and has a few guy friends that he hangs out with but they are pretty regular. I want to say something but I fear it would effect our friendship. Should I tell him or wait for him to come out to me?
Concerned
Dear Concerned,
If you really consider him a good friend, under NO circumstances should you TELL HIM that he's gay!
Ok, yes, he's a little feminine and he hardly ever talks about other women-- but that doesn't mean he's gay. Did you ever consider that he might like you? He's not going to approach other women around you if he's interested in you.. And just because he likes hanging out with you and your girlfriends shouldn't make him "suspect." Maybe he'll do anything to see and spend time with you--even if that means hanging out with you and your all-girl-band. Just a thought. And believe me, if his friends are regular guys-it's rare that regular guys will hang out with a man who's gay. That would be strange.
If he tells you he wants to be a hairdresser, becomes your personal stylist or asks to borrow a skirt...then there might be reason for concern. But until one of those situations arises or something similar-- relax.
Although most of us women don't like it, some men have slight feminine ways. You've probably heard the term metrosexual, a guy who is more into his appearance etc. than traditional men but is not considered gay. There are alot of metro-sexuals at the club, lounges, grocery store-everywhere. Look around you'll see. Also, every man isn't trying to connect with every woman he sees. Some men are very targeted and particular about the women they approach especially when he's at the point in life where he's ready to settle down.
If you are concerned about him and his sexuality, then the best thing that you can do for your friend-is to be a friend. A friend who isn't judgemental, a confidant that he can talk to about almost anything. If it turns out that he is gay I can almost guarantee he will tell you when he is ready. Until then, zip those lips because good friends- straight or gay- are hard to find- and if you're wrong, it could damage your friendship.
Metro Love, Portland
