March 15, 2010

My Boyfriend Got Another Women Pregnant...

Dear Portland,

I have recently found out my boyfriend of 6 yrs. got another women pregnant after a 2 week split we had. What do I do?? I love him so much.
What should I do? What’s the right answer?


Dear Right Answer,

Ouch!

There are only two things you can do. ..break-up with him for good or accept the child as part of your relationship. Six years is a long time and if you both can acknowledge that you were officially broken-up during that time then you both were free to see other people, which, sorry to say, includes having sex. Stuff happens-we all make mistakes. If this was some random chick then boyfriend was dumb for not wearing a condom. But if he liked the girl but couldn’t move forward because of feelings for you then this one should be chaulked up to he got caught-up in the situation. Either way it’s a tough decision.

The question to ask yourself is—aside from loving him— are you willing to be in a relationship with a man who has a child and a baby’s mother? If the answer is no, then you know what to do but if you stay with this guy a lot of trust and maturity are going to be key. Trust that there is nothing still going on with he and this girl because he will have to see and communicate with her to share time with the baby; and mature enough to balance his daddy role with your relationship.

I posed your question to two of my girl and one male friend with the assumption that all is well (e.g a good guy who is trustworthy and wants to own up to his responsibility) all said yes, they would continue in the relationship and I agree, but you should feel completely comfortable that you have a future with this guy.
The right answer is the one you choose. Good Luck and I think it will work out just fine.

“If loving you is wrong, then I don’t wanna be right,” Love Portland