Dear Portland,
I have a half a bottle of red wine that has been sitting on my counter for a little over a week...is it ok to drink?
Yes or No
Dear Yes or No,
Yup. And if you don't drink it, I will.
"Drunk" Love, Portland
November 26, 2008
Cleansing Sensitive Areas?
Dear Portland,
I shouldn't use soap on the inside of my vagina when I clean it. It is kind of an allergy maybe. My doctor told me this when I was very young. It just makes me a little itchy. I stopped using it and I am fine, but here is the deal...It doesn't get as sweet smelling as I would like it to. You know like if you wash your under arm with just water, it will smell natural, but not as fresh and sweet as if you were to use soap, and of course all the more sweet if you were to add deodorant.
So what I would like to know is what should I clean with, besides water and vinegar (cause I know about that one) that will make it smell sweet. Or perhaps, there is an oil I can use after I clean it with water? I used Summer's Eve but I am a little sensitive to that too. Thank you.
Sensitive
Dear Sensitive,
And I thought I was obsessed with being clean!
I've heard Summer's Eve is one of the worst things you can use in that area. Vinegar and water (douche) not only removes the harmful bacteria but the good bacteria as well. Removing the good bacteria can cause all kinds of problems- of the itchy kind. As for the oil--I wouldn't even go there.
The vagina is supposed to have a certain smell but not a strong odor. There's an acidic level "down there" that should not be messed with. Most gynecologist say soap in that area a "no-no" and women should clean the outside of the vaginal area with a hypo-allergenic soap (Dove Sensitive Skin is great). Most suggest replacing your current shower head with a hand-held model, do not use a washcloth as that can cause irritation too; instead, put some soap on your hand to wash the area and use the hand-held shower head to rinse.
If you continue to have persistent problems--see a doctor.
"Poo-poo" Love, Portland
I shouldn't use soap on the inside of my vagina when I clean it. It is kind of an allergy maybe. My doctor told me this when I was very young. It just makes me a little itchy. I stopped using it and I am fine, but here is the deal...It doesn't get as sweet smelling as I would like it to. You know like if you wash your under arm with just water, it will smell natural, but not as fresh and sweet as if you were to use soap, and of course all the more sweet if you were to add deodorant.
So what I would like to know is what should I clean with, besides water and vinegar (cause I know about that one) that will make it smell sweet. Or perhaps, there is an oil I can use after I clean it with water? I used Summer's Eve but I am a little sensitive to that too. Thank you.
Sensitive
Dear Sensitive,
And I thought I was obsessed with being clean!
I've heard Summer's Eve is one of the worst things you can use in that area. Vinegar and water (douche) not only removes the harmful bacteria but the good bacteria as well. Removing the good bacteria can cause all kinds of problems- of the itchy kind. As for the oil--I wouldn't even go there.
The vagina is supposed to have a certain smell but not a strong odor. There's an acidic level "down there" that should not be messed with. Most gynecologist say soap in that area a "no-no" and women should clean the outside of the vaginal area with a hypo-allergenic soap (Dove Sensitive Skin is great). Most suggest replacing your current shower head with a hand-held model, do not use a washcloth as that can cause irritation too; instead, put some soap on your hand to wash the area and use the hand-held shower head to rinse.
If you continue to have persistent problems--see a doctor.
"Poo-poo" Love, Portland
Can't Get Over An Ex!
Dear Portland,
My ex and I broke up a few months ago. It was a horrible, messy breakup and we aren't speaking. I think he's over it, but I'm still extremely hurt and depressed. My friends & family are tired of hearing me talk about him, and I'm tired of thinking about him. We had a serious relationship for 2 years, and it's killing me it didn't work out. How do I get over this already? It's ruined friendships and has affected my school work.
--An Ex-Mess
Dear Ex-Mess,
Sorry to hear about your breakup...to put it frankly--breaking up is the worst and most of us have been there.
I'll assume since you said "it looks like he's moved on"--he broke up with you. My advice is to give yourself time to grieve -one month max. Most would say to just "get out there to take your mind off of things" and/or "the best way to get over someone--is with someone else." All true, but many people, run out prematurely. Don't be ashamed to take time to heal your heart. Too many women--and men too-- don't take the time to heal and keep repeating the vicious cycle.
When the month is up, or before if you think your strong enough--I need you to get up and moving! Connect with friends and old boyfriends (the one's that are real friends) that you may have lost touch with and like Beyonce's song "Put Your Freakum' Dress On"...and go out and have fun.
From your question, I'm not sure if you want him back or not. Either way re-focus on your school work. If you want your ex back then go to places he frequents, look hot and he'll notice. But remember although tough, you broke up for a reason and there is no sense in going back to the same problems-so talk alot and give the process some time. If you don't want him back, don't go to his familiar spots and just have fun--all while looking your most fabulous-- until you meet your new prince. Closed doors can open up new windows.
"Freakum Dress" Love, Portland
My ex and I broke up a few months ago. It was a horrible, messy breakup and we aren't speaking. I think he's over it, but I'm still extremely hurt and depressed. My friends & family are tired of hearing me talk about him, and I'm tired of thinking about him. We had a serious relationship for 2 years, and it's killing me it didn't work out. How do I get over this already? It's ruined friendships and has affected my school work.
--An Ex-Mess
Dear Ex-Mess,
Sorry to hear about your breakup...to put it frankly--breaking up is the worst and most of us have been there.
I'll assume since you said "it looks like he's moved on"--he broke up with you. My advice is to give yourself time to grieve -one month max. Most would say to just "get out there to take your mind off of things" and/or "the best way to get over someone--is with someone else." All true, but many people, run out prematurely. Don't be ashamed to take time to heal your heart. Too many women--and men too-- don't take the time to heal and keep repeating the vicious cycle.
When the month is up, or before if you think your strong enough--I need you to get up and moving! Connect with friends and old boyfriends (the one's that are real friends) that you may have lost touch with and like Beyonce's song "Put Your Freakum' Dress On"...and go out and have fun.
From your question, I'm not sure if you want him back or not. Either way re-focus on your school work. If you want your ex back then go to places he frequents, look hot and he'll notice. But remember although tough, you broke up for a reason and there is no sense in going back to the same problems-so talk alot and give the process some time. If you don't want him back, don't go to his familiar spots and just have fun--all while looking your most fabulous-- until you meet your new prince. Closed doors can open up new windows.
"Freakum Dress" Love, Portland
Turning 30 in NYC...
Dear Portland,
I'm a female and my 30th birthday is approaching and I wanted to do something different in New York City with my boyfriend and friends. Any ideas??
Turning 30 in NYC...
Dear Almost 30,
Wow, congratulations on turning 30!
I suggest you do something that I call the..."Around Manhattan." Which means, you and your guests go to a different place for everything, including drinks. If your friends live in NY they'll be pleasantly surprised-- and if you have out-of-town guests...they'll be talking about the evening for years to come.
What you'll need:
1. Dress- Comfortable but fashionable....my experience is, you get treated better in the city if you look good. No sequins...just chic and classy.
2. At least $125.00-$150.00 each--I didn't say it would be cheap.
3. A need to have a good time and see the city.
4. Take a cab everywhere as most places are not within walking distance.
Stop 1-Drinks.
Try a new "in" restaurant for drinks. Pick a place that is either impossible to get a reservation or out of budget-- but fabulous. I suggest--"Nobu" downtown or "The Four Seasons" on 57th...and I really liked the cocktails and atmosphere at the "Blue Room" in the "W Hotel" in Times Square.
Stop 2-Dinner.
Choose a New York classic or something famous that has been featured in a movie. A place your guests can relate too--and have bragging rights to later. My suggestion--"One If By Land, Two If By Sea, in Midtown or " Peter Lugers" in Brooklyn or you can go somewhere more inexpensive but still good eats like "Mangia Bevi" on 9th or "Carmines" a popular theater restaurant in Time Square.
Stop 3-Dessert.
You really want to make it a famous spot...after all, it is DESSERT! Try Serendipity, famous for their "frozen hot chocolate" 60 different chocolates...frankly, it's liquid sex. You can't drink one alone, sharing's good here. Located on the upper east side. And one of my all time NYC favorites in Washington Square is "The Coffee Shop." I know, dry name and so is the outside moniker, but they are big on desserts. Plus don't be surprised if your sitting next to a famous actor or singer. There's usually at least two posting at the bar or in a booth on any given night.
Stop 4- Nightclub.
We had a great time at the "Apt" (Apartment) in the Meat Packing District. Great music and the place is set up like some one's apartment with a full bar and music.
Stop 5- Breakfast/Brunch. (After the club or the next day)
I highly suggest "Balthazar" on Spring St. Fabulous food and wine and a "must dine" for anyone living or visiting the city. This can get crowded--so call in advance.
I hope these suggestions help make the "Big 3-0" very memorable. Have a great birthday, be safe and send me a note of how the night turns out.
I'm a female and my 30th birthday is approaching and I wanted to do something different in New York City with my boyfriend and friends. Any ideas??
Turning 30 in NYC...
Dear Almost 30,
Wow, congratulations on turning 30!
I suggest you do something that I call the..."Around Manhattan." Which means, you and your guests go to a different place for everything, including drinks. If your friends live in NY they'll be pleasantly surprised-- and if you have out-of-town guests...they'll be talking about the evening for years to come.
What you'll need:
1. Dress- Comfortable but fashionable....my experience is, you get treated better in the city if you look good. No sequins...just chic and classy.
2. At least $125.00-$150.00 each--I didn't say it would be cheap.
3. A need to have a good time and see the city.
4. Take a cab everywhere as most places are not within walking distance.
Stop 1-Drinks.
Try a new "in" restaurant for drinks. Pick a place that is either impossible to get a reservation or out of budget-- but fabulous. I suggest--"Nobu" downtown or "The Four Seasons" on 57th...and I really liked the cocktails and atmosphere at the "Blue Room" in the "W Hotel" in Times Square.
Stop 2-Dinner.
Choose a New York classic or something famous that has been featured in a movie. A place your guests can relate too--and have bragging rights to later. My suggestion--"One If By Land, Two If By Sea, in Midtown or " Peter Lugers" in Brooklyn or you can go somewhere more inexpensive but still good eats like "Mangia Bevi" on 9th or "Carmines" a popular theater restaurant in Time Square.
Stop 3-Dessert.
You really want to make it a famous spot...after all, it is DESSERT! Try Serendipity, famous for their "frozen hot chocolate" 60 different chocolates...frankly, it's liquid sex. You can't drink one alone, sharing's good here. Located on the upper east side. And one of my all time NYC favorites in Washington Square is "The Coffee Shop." I know, dry name and so is the outside moniker, but they are big on desserts. Plus don't be surprised if your sitting next to a famous actor or singer. There's usually at least two posting at the bar or in a booth on any given night.
Stop 4- Nightclub.
We had a great time at the "Apt" (Apartment) in the Meat Packing District. Great music and the place is set up like some one's apartment with a full bar and music.
Stop 5- Breakfast/Brunch. (After the club or the next day)
I highly suggest "Balthazar" on Spring St. Fabulous food and wine and a "must dine" for anyone living or visiting the city. This can get crowded--so call in advance.
I hope these suggestions help make the "Big 3-0" very memorable. Have a great birthday, be safe and send me a note of how the night turns out.
November 24, 2008
Mr. Single in Baltimore
Dear Portland,
Why do women have more expectations in their mate than they do in themselves? (e.g., good job/job security, decent living conditions, nice ride and education.)
--Mr. Single in Baltimore
Dear Mr. Single in Baltimore,
Please stop going to wherever you are meeting these women!
Seriously--Women want a man they can respect. Some women, myself included, are attracted to a man who has accomplished things, in life, both large and small. And despite her “check marks” and/or lack thereof, she wants to be proud of him and have bragging rights to his accomplishments. Also, some women may think a man who has not reached a certain level by a certain age isn’t setting a good example of a good future husband, father and provider. I didn’t say it was fair, but it is the reality for some.
You might ask, “why can’t those accomplishments be reached together?” The answer is…they can, but some men and women while waiting for “the one” are earning degree(s) with large salaries and accumulating many of the material things commonly attached to those earnings (education, home, luxury car, vacations, etc.) and some are not. Then there are those who are just waiting for “you” to come along with all your “bag of accomplishments” and material items to make life better for them. It really just depends on the woman or man.
Maybe you have one of those “rare” women who believes “men hunt and women nest.” That is, a woman who may have grown up in a two parent family where the father was the bread winner and the mother stayed at home—may be conditioned to think this way--which is part of her foundation. There are even some women who have concluded that relationships like their parents and grandparents "worked" when the women stayed at home, took care of the house and children and was more submissive—including sexually.
My best friend is a good example. Like her father, her husband is an entrepreneur and she’s helping him with all the grueling legwork to open another store location; just like her mother helped her father do at some point during their marriage. My friend is college-educated with good organizational and communication skills but she neither works nor wants an outside job. Is she working to her potential? Most would probably say “no.” However, she is invaluable to her husband, his business, their life and especially to what they are attempting to accomplish together—and they like it that way. Not only does she take care of all the day to day house and life minutia including cooking and cleaning; she plans their vacations, takes care of anything else that pops up (and you know stuff pops up-a leaky roof last week) and represents her husband at important business meetings he can’t attend because he’s running the first store.
Some men might say “she doesn’t have a real job and none of what she’s doing is bringing in any additional income.” True, but it works for them which is why you should use your situation as its own benchmark and ignore society and certainly what your friends may be whispering in your ear.
My advice, talk to her, as you may not know her whole story or fully understand her foundation. Her conversation could amaze you or disappoint. In the end, all the expectations that you say she expects, should be expectations that you have for yourself and more (minus the nice ride--not a deal breaker, that’s just immature.) But, if you are looking for a woman to compete with you?—then maybe you should rethink your motives and what you really want in a relationship. Because a relationship/love is not about being equal in accomplishments, career or money it’s about being equally yoked.
On the other hand, is it possible that you’re dating a gold-digger who is just lazy and wants to take more that she gives to the relationship? or is just plain immature? In either case, I suggest… you drop her like a bad habit.
"Baltimore" Love, Portland
Why do women have more expectations in their mate than they do in themselves? (e.g., good job/job security, decent living conditions, nice ride and education.)
--Mr. Single in Baltimore
Dear Mr. Single in Baltimore,
Please stop going to wherever you are meeting these women!
Seriously--Women want a man they can respect. Some women, myself included, are attracted to a man who has accomplished things, in life, both large and small. And despite her “check marks” and/or lack thereof, she wants to be proud of him and have bragging rights to his accomplishments. Also, some women may think a man who has not reached a certain level by a certain age isn’t setting a good example of a good future husband, father and provider. I didn’t say it was fair, but it is the reality for some.
You might ask, “why can’t those accomplishments be reached together?” The answer is…they can, but some men and women while waiting for “the one” are earning degree(s) with large salaries and accumulating many of the material things commonly attached to those earnings (education, home, luxury car, vacations, etc.) and some are not. Then there are those who are just waiting for “you” to come along with all your “bag of accomplishments” and material items to make life better for them. It really just depends on the woman or man.
Maybe you have one of those “rare” women who believes “men hunt and women nest.” That is, a woman who may have grown up in a two parent family where the father was the bread winner and the mother stayed at home—may be conditioned to think this way--which is part of her foundation. There are even some women who have concluded that relationships like their parents and grandparents "worked" when the women stayed at home, took care of the house and children and was more submissive—including sexually.
My best friend is a good example. Like her father, her husband is an entrepreneur and she’s helping him with all the grueling legwork to open another store location; just like her mother helped her father do at some point during their marriage. My friend is college-educated with good organizational and communication skills but she neither works nor wants an outside job. Is she working to her potential? Most would probably say “no.” However, she is invaluable to her husband, his business, their life and especially to what they are attempting to accomplish together—and they like it that way. Not only does she take care of all the day to day house and life minutia including cooking and cleaning; she plans their vacations, takes care of anything else that pops up (and you know stuff pops up-a leaky roof last week) and represents her husband at important business meetings he can’t attend because he’s running the first store.
Some men might say “she doesn’t have a real job and none of what she’s doing is bringing in any additional income.” True, but it works for them which is why you should use your situation as its own benchmark and ignore society and certainly what your friends may be whispering in your ear.
My advice, talk to her, as you may not know her whole story or fully understand her foundation. Her conversation could amaze you or disappoint. In the end, all the expectations that you say she expects, should be expectations that you have for yourself and more (minus the nice ride--not a deal breaker, that’s just immature.) But, if you are looking for a woman to compete with you?—then maybe you should rethink your motives and what you really want in a relationship. Because a relationship/love is not about being equal in accomplishments, career or money it’s about being equally yoked.
On the other hand, is it possible that you’re dating a gold-digger who is just lazy and wants to take more that she gives to the relationship? or is just plain immature? In either case, I suggest… you drop her like a bad habit.
"Baltimore" Love, Portland
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