Dear Portland,
Maybe you can you help me understand something. I have dated several types of women from various ethnic groups and have noticed a consistent trend among my African-american sisters. When it comes to oral sex my sisters have no problem and in most cases insist on receiving oral sex from their male counter part. The problem for the brothers arises when it is time to reciprocate the enthusiasm is not there and mostly there is not a reciprocal relationship in this department. I started by sharing my past dating experience and have not found this same aversion and disdain for oral sex (to this level) in other ethnic groups. I have some ideas and have heard the sisters arguments for not participating, and they just do not hold water. Please shed some light on this, thank you.
Confused Brotha
Dear Confused,
Thank you for your question...but you know dayumm well sista's don't get down like that! Especially, if we are not in a "serious" relationship with you. Please understand that for many black women, oral sex goes beyond traditional sex...way beyond. We must have established a code of trust with our partner. Simply dating is not enough! Dinner, movie, then a blowjob?...probably not...as a matter of fact--hell no! Call me a prude if you'd like but, maybe, just maybe, some dinner(s), a few movie(s), plenty of time together and all the other dating and getting to know you "stuff" that couples do; then, maybe, possibly, intercourse... then, maybe, oral depending on the girl. And you being the first to take the plung doesn't sweeten the deal honey...men have historically given oral sex quicker than us women. I've thought for a long time that guys are hardwired for this occupation because you just do it. Yes, we love it, but, no, reciprocation is not automatic nor should it be expected. Do you see where I'm going with this? (smile)
Your not the first guy to say that other ethnicities are much more inclined to perform. My answer is... it may be their cultural nature. For example, in many cultures the woman is thought of as a second class citizen, so I can imagine that oral performance is just that...performance.
Now I'm feel safe saying that there is some sista out there willing to grant your wish, lickity split...you've just got to find her. But, if you're serious about this and any woman, give her time. And look at as a positive...if she isn't willing to "go down" on you so quickly, I doubt she's been down on many other guys either. ...And when she does...write me, I'd love to answer a "follow-up" question!
With "Un-Confused" Love, Portland
